I had the incredible good fortune to actually be at the Seattle Seahawk’s amazing victory over the New Orleans Saints this last weekend.
Experts are calling the game the greatest upset in NFL playoff history… and I was there, in the very end zone when Marshawn Lynch ran over half the Saints defense… willing his way into the end zone.
If you missed the play, here’s a short clip of it:
Marshawn Lynch’s Amazing Touchdown Run Over Saints
But What Does Playoff Football Have To Do With Parenting?
Most people don’t think of Football or professional sports like this, but the players out on that field are somebodies children; and at some point in each of those players young lives, the dream to play professional football entered their hearts.
And I can guarantee you that one battle each of those players all had to face as young children was most of their relatives, teachers, friends, and family telling them that they were silly for ever believing they could play professional football.
They were told they should be realistic, stay in school, and get a good job some day; to which 100% of the players on that field this weekend called, “Bullshit!”
Is your child this Immune to Criticism about their dreams?
The ability to not allow another human being, no matter how well educated or well meaning, to steal your dream is called, being “Immune to Criticism”, and it’s a trait that runs rampant in highly successful people, no matter what form of excellence they try to achieve.
It’s a trait that you should foster and train into your children.
That’s why I think this game is such a wonderful reminder to parents…
Because in the history of the NFL, there has never been example of a group of people being “Immune to Criticism” and accomplishing something great despite the odds.
What better opportunity to use this game as a talking point with your children about how they should never let another human being decide whether they can or cannot strive for their dreams.
Here’s How To Foster Your Child’s “Immunity to Criticism”
In some ways it may be easier for future professional sports players to build immunity to criticism than your own child, because a child will not be able to withstand outsiders negativity without two components:
- He must find his “Strengths zone”
- He must be pursuing excellence in his “Strengths zone”
- And his parents must allow him to pursue unconventional and unpopular means of developing those strengths
For NFL players this is easy, because the opportunity to play football exists everywhere, so kids with a passion discover a place to develop the talents required for football fairly easily.
What if your child has a talent for snow skiing, but you live in the deserts of Arizona; or car racing but you aren’t within 100 miles of a race track your child could ever practice on? Your child’s odds of finding their passion are harder.
But don’t give up.
That only means you have to work harder exposing your children to different potential areas of interest until you find something that ignites an intrinsic motivation to pursue that task more than anything else in their lives.
One great book on this topic is Sir. Ken Robinson’s book, “The Element, How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything”.
While reading this book, one thing kept popping out at me…
The book is chalked full of example after example of a talented child struggling in the existing education system because it wasn’t focused on helping them build skills in their “strengths zone”, and how once their parents realized this and got them into a place where they could focus solely on building their strengths, they became fulfilled, famous, rich, and happy.
The book is worth the read, especially if you think that keeping your child in the traditional education system is what’s best for them.
One particular story that stood out for me that I thought I’d share with you was about a boy who had a very rare talent; he could walk on his hands. Not just like you or I might have tried to do as a child, but so well he could walk up stairs on his hands — he was VERY good at it.
Most parents would probably write this off as just some silly talent that their child has, and so did the parents in this story… until one day they took him to a gymnastics training facility. What this child saw that day was in some ways, a whole new world that he didn’t even know existed. It was a place where he could develop his strengths of bodily coordination.
Which is exactly what he did!
In fact the boy went on to be the most decorated mens Olympic medalist in US history and now runs a gym doing what he loves, teaching gymnastics to kids (earning a healthy income on the side by the way).
All because…
- A child with a strength
- Found a place to develop his strength
- And his parents let him practice there for 8-10 hours a day.
When those three things align, I truly believe that the rest almost takes care of itself.
I believe we were all put on this earth to do something great. That we all have talents that the world would love for us to develop, and that it’s our responsibility to not piss those talents away.
And if you’d like to hear some of my most advanced thoughts and techniques surrounding this area of developing your child’s strengths to their full potential, watch this video.
Do you disagree with me?
If you disagree with me, I’d love to turn the comments section below this post into a friendly battle ground for debate.
Just leave me a respectful comment about what you disagree with, and I look forward to some friendly written sparring with you 
I don’t disagree, as I aim to be supportive of all of my children’s ventures. I believe that they should be made aware of the miniscule chance of entering or succeeding in such a way. I think they should be able to enjoy each success, which in part means, knowing the rarity of the opportunity.
Just playing for a college athletic team is a great achievement. At the same time, if my child didn’t make the NFL, but played in high school, or college, and went on to be successful in something else I would be very proud. I haven’t read the aforementioned book, but I would caution against anchoring a child to one strength in a way that motivates them to not develop other strengths.
In my eyes there are a few eccentric athletic professionals I will remember, but the Joe Montana’s, John Elway’s, Jerry Rice’s,and even the Jim Harbaugh’s, Josh Heupel’s, Tony Dungy’s, and countless others who would have made it no matter what. In my eyes they made it, not because they were good at one thing, but they were driven in everything they did.
Two thoughts Darius,
First of all I don’t believe that the athletes and hall of famers you mentioned would have made it no matter what. This is because whenever people talk about these kind of players the first thing they always mention is there work ethic. They always work harder than the other guys who don’t reach their level of achievement.
I think people only talk about these types of hall of famers this way because it let’s all the rest of us off the hook. By saying that some people have a God given gift and others don’t makes it easier for us to justify why we didn’t have what it takes to achieve what they achieved.
It’s a cop out.
A classic example is Michael Jordan. He did NOT make his high school basketball team. But he did not believe that basketball was his “God Given Gift” he believed it was something he earned by working harder than any other NBA player in his time.
One of my favorite YouTube clips of all time summing this up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woOu_4l3lio
As for your other suggestion on “cautioning against anchoring a child to one strength in a way that motivates them to not develop other strengths” I couldn’t disagree more.
Here’s why…
I believe it is a MYTH that completely selling out to the development of one talent will lead to an out of balanced life.
I was a child who pursued trying to become a professional baseball player, hitting for 4-5 hours a day before and after school in addition to practice.
And while I only ended up playing NCAA division I baseball and not becoming a pro, the absolute selling out for my dream actually developed a multitude of talents, that I now use to run two run a multi-million dollar pet training company. (something that was definitely not on my radar in high school)
When you pursue a passion 100%, even if you don’t make it you still learn how to submit your ego to coaches, develop a resistance or even appreciation for painful processes, teamwork skills, social skills, negotiation skills with coaches, study habits as you try to learn to become better, etc.
I actually picked up my first self help book at the age of 12 from being addicted to baseball, just because I’d become fascinated with the process of self improvement.
And that’s my point!
I believe that allowing a child to focus 110% on developing their talents teaches them about the process of “becoming”; and that belief in the process is something that can be transferred to whatever path they chose to go down in life.
So while it is true that the odds are against a child trying to accomplish something great like selling out to be a professional athlete, even if I was 100% convinced my child didn’t have what it takes, I’d still back them, because what they’ll learn about the success process in the pursuit of their dreams is far more important than whether or not their dreams are realistic.
Too many great accomplishments are at one time or another all thought to have been impossible, and I refuse to be responsible for ever killing a child’s dream.
I may have worded something wrong, as I had no intention of disagreeing with your points, in fact your counterpoints sounded as much in line with what I was thinking, as it did in reinforcing the original article.
What I took from the original article was a motivation to drive our children to succeed. Especially by isolating a great strength and accentuating their drive for success with that strength. The article had me constantly thinking of Tiger Woods. Even before he was famous for being the best ever, when it was just hype, I thought how proud his parents must be.
Then I thought of the reaction to the Tiger Woods hype. This reminded me of a time when Ricky Williams transcript at Texas Tech came to light. He was already on his way to professional football. Even thought he has been in and out, he has been a professional football success. At the time when his grades were released, several others were brought out. As i allude to this, I shall save some googling, it was reported he had a 0.00 for the entire time he was at college. I didn’t even concern myself with how he stayed eligible, just couldn’t believe that with the prospect of a professional career, he allowed the grades to fall so far.
After reading your counter-post, I am lead to believe you may have thought I implied you were suggesting a focus on one aspect in spite of all others. I actually intended to supplement, as I saw no mention of a caution against ensuring the children do not settle for less in something else. In your story, I see that whether your parents drove you or not, you did not allow yourself to fall short in your other ventures away from baseball.
I suppose I didn’t see the aspect you have made so clear in how your other ventures you found success due to the nurtured drive you had for baseball. Instead of seeing it as a foregone conclusion that you only succeeded because of the focus you had for baseball, I see it as you would have succeeded in life no matter what, because you found it in you to strive for greatness. I did not mention the greats of football to give everyone a pass, actually to the contrary I am saying not because of any talent, but because of their drive, preparation, and work ethic, even if something had happened to cut short those hall of fame careers they would have succeeded in something else. Tony Dungy was a quarterback in college, and had only rare opportunities to play quarterback in the NFL. He did play in the CFL, and when his NFL career was over, he succeeded in Coaching. Josh Heupel had a great college career, but not NFL career, he is succeeding in coaching. There are so many stories that are so similar, I wish I could think of one that lead to success in another field. The only one that even comes to mind is J.C. Watts who had after leaving OU had a good career in the CFL, didn’t make the NFL, and went on to be a senator.
In closing, I feel I have typed far too much to say so little, perhaps how i misconstrued the first point. I merely meant to supplement your original article with the caution of people to allow children to slack a little in other areas while their child succeeds in that one strength. I say that only after reading so many stories of such cautionary tales. In fact as I type this I find myself struggling with my teenage stepson, as his major strength has been skateboarding. I want a mentor for him, but don’t feel that the type of mentor that would be good for him will come from this field. As such we may be steering him more toward the military, as it is more readily available to find a mentor to drive him to succeed in the military than the local skateboarding scene.
Finally on a side note, would it be too much to ask, how old your children are, and perhaps I am overlooking it, but some stories of how you have applied this with them in their strengths? I was also wondering, aside from the drive you and your parents cultivated, did you have a mentor or outside influence that helped in this? Perhaps a coach? Any mentors outside of athletics? Thank you for the informative articles and responses, I take in as much as I can, for I feel I won’t have this parenting thing down until my children are doing it.
Great Points Darius,It’s a complicated topic, and your follow up comment clears up your position for me. And even if I misunderstood you, I still appreciate your comments as they helped bring up a few other topics I didn’t originally address or that might have popped into my other readers minds as they read this post.So thank you.As for your mentoring question; what a GREAT question. My parents got both my brother and myself mentors early on in our lives (about 12 years of age), and seeking a mentor is now part of how both my brother and I try to achieve things.My children are currently 1 and 3 years old, so they aren’t quite ready for mentors like your son is yet. And you’ve motivated me to write my next blog post about the topic of mentors so I’ll save most of my comments for then… so check back.But in short, Shaun White (the current snowboarding gold medalist) is friends/mentored or at least has a good relationship with Tony Hawk, a pro skateboarder. And while I haven’t done my background work to check into Tony Hawk’s character, on the surface it sure looks like it has GREATLY benefited Shaun White.And while I mean no disrespect to the Military, as I know many people who’ve benefited from the Military showing them discipline, and how to push themselves further than they thought possible… I would personally worry about me deciding what career is best for my child; not to mention the Military’s way of doing things because “They Say So” instead of learning how to make good decisions on your own. Maybe it serves the military’s purpose to create a group of men who won’t question authority, but I don’t like the idea of raising my child to blindly follow authority; I just don’t think it fosters enough independence for my tastes.Just my two cents.Any other Military folk want to weigh in?