Adding more children to a family is exciting. Most of us are eager to let our kids know that a new little brother or sister will be joining them. In some families, siblings-to-be are among the first to hear the happy news. Other families wait longer to share that Mom is pregnant. There really isn’t a right or wrong answer, but there are many factors to consider when deciding when to tell kids about a new pregnancy.
The Age of the Child
When I was pregnant with my 2nd child, I waited until after the first trimester to tell my 4 year old. I did this for a couple of reasons. First, time is very abstract to young children, and 9 months can seem like forever. Second, I was fairly anxious during the pregnancy and I wanted to wait until I felt a bit more secure about it.
I now find myself pregnant again, and my son is now 6 and a half. We’ll probably tell him earlier this time, mostly so he can understand why Mommy isn’t feeling well. Although I am a high risk for miscarriage, there’s no way we could hide our emotions should we lose the baby, so there’s no sense keeping it from him.
My almost 2 year old doesn’t really understand what a “little brother” or “little sister” is, and I imagine we won’t explicitly tell her at all until I am showing quite a bit. At that point, she’ll be a little older, and the visual reminder of my growing tummy might help her out with what is still a pretty strange concept to a little one!
The Temperament of the Child
Parents know their own kids best, and are the best judges of how children will react to the news. My son, always intuitive, has been making comments about how he wonders if I will have another baby. He’s definitely picking up on something. However, he is also very sensitive, and we have the added challenge of explaining the nature of a high-risk pregnancy to a gentle and fearful little boy.
The Complexities of the Pregnancy
Morning sickness, fatigue, risk, and pregnancy history can all factor into the decision of when to tell a child about a pregnancy. If a mother is throwing up constantly, it might ease a child’s fears to explain that Mommy isn’t sick, but pregnant! In other cases, pregnant moms might need injections (because of IVF, or clotting disorders, for instance), and that might affect when to share the news.
In any case, sharing the happy news with children doesn’t need to be stressful. It’s a cause for celebration, after all, and like they always do, kids will adjust. Don’t stress out about the “right” time to tell the kids—simply enjoy the pregnancy and do what feels natural.
