Tantrum. The mere mention of this single word can instantly strike fear into the hearts of typically calm grown men and women. Honestly, we have every right to be fearful.
You see, as parents, we hate temper tantrums because they don’t respond to reason. Tantrums tend to be irrational.
My Experience with a Tantrum
In the midst of a snot-bubbling, tear-dripping, loud screaming fit, my otherwise lovely and reasonable daughter Elizabeth didn’t particularly care much that her favorite pajamas were in the wash… soaking wet. She knew that it was bedtime and she wanted to be cozy. Naturally, that means favorite pajamas or the end of the world as she knows it. Wet pajamas can’t compete with the unmet expectations of a 3 year old.
I’ll admit that I’ve been in this situation a time or two. Being married to an amazing mother means that for years I’ve had to deal with kids who would rather throw a fit than get stuck with dad while mom sings with the choir at church, or goes for a run… or does anything else that a mom might want to do for even a brief moment of enjoyment. Still, despite my wealth of experience, the screaming hasn’t become any less bothersome.
How I REALLY Feel About Tantrums
To state it succinctly, I loathe tantrums.
That’s why I was so excited when, on this evening, I discovered a magical means by which I could stop all tantrums… okay, so not ALL tantrums. Probably more like mild to moderate tantrums involving girls who LOVE birthday cakes.
The “Birthday Cake” Trick is Born
As noted, I’m no stranger to tantrums, so I’ve got the basics down:
- Remain calm at all times.
- Speak in a soothing tone.
- Try to get the tantrum thrower to slow down, and take some deep breaths.
Check, check, and… well… it’s this last item that has always been challenging to actually implement. Quite frankly, my daughter has no interest in hearing about breathing while she contemplates life without cozy jammies. While imploring (calmly imploring, that is) Elizabeth to breathe deeply, I realized that I needed a way to make deep breathing interesting and appealing to a 3 year-old. The following conversation took place:
Dad: Elizabeth — do you know what a deep breath is?
Elizabeth: (unintelligible, blood-curdling scream)
D: A deep breath is… like when you blow out the candles on a birthday cake…
E: (silence, followed by a tiny giggle)
D: Can you help me blow out the candles on the cake?
E: Yeah! (deep inhale followed by a deep exhale)
D: I think you missed one! (This was admittedly risky — accusing an emotionally fragile 3 year-old of being incapable of blowing out ALL of the candles on a cake could easily backfire — thankfully for me it did not). Let’s get that last candle!
E: Ok, Daddy. (Another deep breath).
30 seconds later, and she’s putting her (not cozy) pajamas on, telling me how she blew really hard to get all the candles. Three minutes later, and she’s fast asleep.
Fool-Proof Tantrum Stopper?
Your mileage may vary with my patent-pending tantrum stopper, but even if you have a cake-hating child on your hands, you should be able to find a way to make calming down a fun activity for your child. Give her a good enough reason to stop the hysteria and she’ll happily do so.
It’s too funny, but I do this with my 3 year-old too! It works. You can also try telling her to pretend that she’s going under water, and have her blow out to make bubbles.
Funny how the discovery of these little tricks is one of the simple joys of parenting.
When our oldest was around 3 years old we started having him take deep breaths when he was hysterical. What was funny was that after a few months of this he caught on. Then, when we’d tell him to take a deep breath he’d start sobbing, “I don’t wanna take a beep beth.” Now he’s almost 6 and we still say to take a “beep beth.”
Melissa,
Thanks for your comment. Kids catch on quickly, no question. Like Danielle mentioned, mixing in different scenarios helps quite a bit in getting the kids to see the fun, and not the “trick.”
Blow out the candles, blow bubbles underwater, blow down the house like the Big Bad Wolf, try to make my hair move when you blow… there’s a lot of scenarios that help to extend the life of this trick. Eventually, you might still end up in a “beep beth” situation, but thankfully, the kids also mature quickly… they may be past the worst of the tantrums by the time they’ve fully caught on.
Great article and makes a lot of sense. I will implement and report back…Thanks for the tip!
There’s a lot of scenarios that help to extend the life of this trick. Eventually, you might still end up in a “beep beth” situation, but thankfully. Great article and makes a lot of sense.
You can also try telling her to pretend that she’s going under water, and have her blow out to make bubbles. Thanks for the tip.