My three-year-old son is the happiest kid I have ever met… until we get to the preschool parking lot. I dread taking my son to preschool because he screams and cries as if the world is ending. He will cling to me, and on really bad days he’ll use whatever means he can to escape to the car. Of course, in my head, it seems like I am the only one to be going through this at the moment, but it is actually very common for separation anxiety to recur in children of preschool age.
The underlying cause
Separation anxiety in Preschool-aged children may be a reaction to a new event or big change in a child’s life. My son is currently dealing with our imminent move to a new house and with Mommy going back to work. Those are big changes for a Preschooler. Look at what is happening in your world and see if there is anything that is making your child especially nervous or upset.
Put up a brave front
I hate seeing my son so upset. There have been times when I’ve been tempted to start crying with him, or to scream and pull my hair out from the sheer frustration of it, but I know that he’s aware of my reactions so I have to pretend like it’s “no big deal.” I put on a big smile, tell him what he is going to do in class, and who will be picking him up. I give him a kiss and a hug, and then I leave.
The buddy system
I don’t know what I would have done without my son’s favorite teacher this year. As soon as he comes through the door, she’s waiting nearby to scoop him up and distract him. She has become his little buddy. Having that sort of unspoken arrangement has made it easier on my son and me; I know that he will be laughing hysterically shortly after I leave, and he knows that there is someone there who is going to give him some one-on-one until he feels more comfortable.
Tell him you are leaving
Children get upset when their parents have mysteriously vanished, especially when they are in an unfamiliar setting, or one that makes them anxious. I quickly learned that the best thing to do was to make our goodbyes short and sweet and then leave. If you leave without saying goodbye to your child it says to him, “My mommy snuck out and left me here, so this place or these people must not be okay to be around.” He may wonder if you are going to come back. Children will learn to trust that you will come back and will learn to become more independent if you make a point of saying goodbye before you go.
Special Time
Every child benefits from one-on-one time with his or her parents. Because your child is having a rough time, make an effort to spend more time doing something alone with your child. That way he will feel more secure, more loved, and less worried when it comes time to say goodbye again.
What are some things you did to ease separation anxiety for your child?
