When I first heard the ultrasound tech’s words, “It’s a girl”, as a father, I didn’t know how to react.
Not because I’m sexist, or not because I wanted a boy to pass on my family name (I already had a son). But because I think my job as a parent is to do everything in my power to help my children develop to their full potential.
But here’s the problem…
I’d spent all my life learning how to become a man. I learned how to fight, shoot guns, win in athletics, make money, and romance a woman into marrying me.
But when I heard those words, “It’s a girl”, I realized that everything I’d spent my whole life trying to become, might not be what I should try to get my little girl to become too.
Something in my core just felt “misaligned” every time I thought about trying to teach my little girl how to be strong enough to set out on her own and conquer the world.
But before any feminists reading this jump down my throat, conjuring up images of Betty Crocker, and my little girl growing up to be a neat, tidy little housewife who always had supper on the table by six felt like that would leave too much of my baby girls potential – unrealized.
So I started searching for the answer to this question:
What Is The Ultimate Purpose of Raising a Daughter?
This was not a question my wife could answer, or any woman could really answer for me.
Oh sure, sometimes they’d give me an answer, but when I stepped back and looked at the life they were living themselves, I didn’t see a life that I wanted for my daughter.
So I decided to go back to a book that had changed my life as a young man called, Wild at Heart.
Wild at Heart was a book written for women to read that helps them understand the true desires of what men want to become. And the reason I wanted to go back and check out this book was because it contained a lot of comparisons about the differences between the desires and purpose of men, and the desires and purposes of women.
Thanks to the wonderful feature of Amazon.com’s website, that shows you other related books that people liked compared to the book you’re looking for I found this book, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul; the companion book for helping women understand their purpose in life.
If you’re interested, I interviewed Staci Eldrege about her book, and it turned into quite a thought provoking interview that you should really listen to.
If you’re looking for advice on who you should be trying to raise your daughter to become, this is frankly, required reading.
What Captivating Taught Me About Raising Daughters
The biggest thing I received while reading Captivating was a mental picture that I will always have in my mind of who I want my daughter to become, and that every little girl wants to grow up to become, someone like the famous heroine princess from Lord of The Rings, Arwen Evenstar. (It’s her picture at the top of this article).
Here’s why Arwen Evenstar helped me realize my purpose in raising my daughter.
Arwen has 3 things:
Three VERY important things that every little girl or woman for that matter, wishes they had:
1. She plays a critical role in an exciting adventure. Without her the male heroes of the story would not have been able to accomplish their missions, and feels important because everyone in the story knows she plays that required role.
2. She is lovingly pursued by Aaragon, the male hero in the story who is a strong warrior who romances her.
3. Plus she has a beauty to reveal both internally and externally. Externally she is dressed in beautiful clothing and jewelry, and she reveals her inner beauty through her compassion and tenderness and willingness to help and reach out to others… and the people of the story admire her for that.
If you think about it, most of the heroine characters who our little girls fall in love with share these same core characteristics. To prove this, just look at the princesses Disney has crafted, and ask yourself if the reason you fall in love with them is because they have these three common traits?
Ask Yourself, Do These 3 Princess Share These Traits?
even though these are the dolled up version of these princesses, ask yourself this…
Don’t they all play a critical role in an adventure?
Do they not all cherish being pursued and romanced?
What about their beauty? Don’t they all love to show off their inner and outer beauty to everyone so that all may see?
And the most important question of all…
Don’t both Men and Women like these characters? Don’t all men wish they could find someone with a beautiful adventurous spirit. And don’t all women wish they could step into the shoes of those princesses in some way or another?
I think if we’re really honest with ourselves, these three things are what women want to become and what men wish women would become… they’re a perfect fit!
Which makes the next question…
How Do You Raise A Daughter To Be Like A Princess?
I believe the best way to raise a daughter to grow up to be as much like these beloved princesses as possible you have to do more then just read this article. You have to look at all the character strengths these heroines had to have in place to ever have a shot at becoming who they are.
Here are just a few character traits our daughters must be taught:
- To Play A Critical Role In An Adventure – We must raise our daughters to face fears, overcome challenges, not be quitters, and become resourceful when solutions are not easily discovered.
- To Be Able To Reveal Her Beauty – She must work on developing compassion for others, and the joy that comes from being charitable. She must learn to treat her body like a temple, have the self esteem to show off who she really is, and be taught to NOT harden her heart when it becomes wounded.
- To Be So Attractive Men Pursue And Romance Her – She must be protected from hardening her heart towards those that may love her. She must avoid resorting to controlling all aspects of her life as to avoid or hide from pain. If pain happens you must work with her to open her heart back up. And She must learn how to actually identify what good men look like. (hint: research has proven they learn this from how their fathers treat them and their mother)
These are just some of the things I’ve learned from Captivating, and I will be forever grateful for having my eyes opened up to what raising a daughter is really all about.
You can pick up a copy of this book here: Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul.
But of course, this is just my opinion. I’d REALLY like to know if you agree or disagree with my argument. So if you feel like weighing in and having a friendly debate please feel free to leave a comment below, and I’ll look forward to intellectually sparring with you