If your child is anything like my daughter, she cries a lot. It can be because I told her no, because there was a spider on the door that she wanted to go through and she is afraid of it (which happened this morning), or countless other reasons I am still trying to figure out. If you are anything like me, you may find it difficult not to get frustrated over all the tears. How can we encourage our sensitive children to stop crying all the time?
It’s not you, it’s me
The truth of the matter is, there is nothing wrong with having a sensitive child. Society may disagree with that statement, but Jeremy G. Schneider, MFT believes that sensitivity in children is a gift and that they simply experience the world in a different way than other kids do. Research by Dr. Elaine Aron suggests that sensitivity is an innate characteristic, meaning some kids are just born that way. If that is true, then there is nothing “wrong” with sensitive children, and the burden falls on us as parents to help them navigate the world as a sensitive person. Rather than try to make our children conform to what society perceives is acceptable, we should offer them unconditional love.
Determine the cause
I am a firm believer in the idea that undesirable (at least, undesirable to me) behavior always has a root cause, and I am not completely sold on the idea that it is purely biological. I usually examine what is happening at the time. We see more tears in my house when my daughter is overly tired, when we have to cancel plans that she was really excited about, or after school. With younger children they may be crying because they are having trouble expressing themselves through words. There are numerous explanations for the tears.
Be realistic
Like any behavior you are hoping to change, its good to have some goals. What are you expecting to achieve? Are you trying to get rid of the behavior altogether or make small changes that will make for a happier household? Start small, and be realistic in your goals. Kids are still kids, and sensitive children should not be made to feel like there is something wrong with them.
Methods
Since every child is different, you will have to try a few things and see what works. In our house, we do a lot of deep breathing. Since my daughter is six years old, we talk a lot about why she is crying, what we can do next time to prevent the situation that caused it, and how we can better react to it. We have a lot of cuddles and encouragement. Other people suggest that kids go to a ‘happy place’ in their minds. Some people offer their kids rewards for effectively dealing with their emotions, but remember that hugs and praise are better than food or material goods as rewards.
Do you have a sensitive child? What methods work for you?
