Previously, I wrote an article about separation anxiety in preschool-aged children. This issue affects my son and me every day, perhaps more so than in the “neuro-typical” population. Here are some tips geared toward special needs children, but possibly beneficial for the general population as well, that may help ease anxiety:
• The ‘We Are Leaving In 5” method. I learned this one at a conference and was encouraged to make a countdown for my son. The “5” is not linked with a qualifier, meaning it is not 5 minutes, or hours, or seconds; it is just 5. It can be verbal or physical: ours is numbers written on post-its. I say to him, “Son, we’re leaving in 5.” After awhile I rip off the top post it to reveal a 4. Then I say, “Son, we’re leaving in 4,” and so on. This eases him into the idea that we are transitioning into another activity. Since the numbers are not linked with a unit of time, I can make this process as long or as short as I need it to be.
• Admit it, the whole eat dinner first and then have dessert is hard for all of us. Who wants to wait for what we really want? For my son, this is a particularly hard concept, so we use “first and then.” Again, it can be a physical manifestation or a verbal one. “First we’re going to school and then we’ll go to grandma’s.” This lets him know what is expected of him, and that what he has to look forward to.
• Comfort items are key. Allowing your child to bring a comfort item with him may make the process easier. My son brought his kitty puppet to school for the first few months of preschool and Kitty had a great time. I think my son did too.
• Consider bringing something that relaxes your child if he is over stimulated. Any child is more likely to be resistant to an activity if he is overtired, hungry, or over stimulated. I find that my day quickly goes down the tubes if I don’t get enough sleep or if I skipped lunch. Kids are no different. If all three of these are never an issue for you, you either have a perfect child or pigs are flying. In any case, it helps to have a snack or a small toy stashed in the car.
• My son loves computer games and would play them all day if he could. I would like to take a moment to thank Apple, from the bottom of my heart, for providing my family with the apps that distract my son during my desperate, babysitter-less moments, such as house closings or my daughter’s school events. I know that my son, like a lot of kids, is not going to want to sit still if he is not interested in something. When we tell him we can’t leave yet, he becomes anxious. Other options are books to read or thumb through, coloring books, or—going on the theory that ‘the box is more exciting than the present,’— anything you have in your pocket or purse may save the day.
