While we hope that our elected officials will serve and lead our communities, we seem to be more frequently having to shake our heads at their behaviors and decisions. Recently Anthony Weiner became a household name and water-cooler topic as a result of explicit images he sent – sexting. Ten years ago I honestly didn’t think I would be having the conversations I now have with my children about appropriate uses of technology and respectful behaviors. I have politicians like Weiner to thank for bringing this topic to the forefront of social media conversations I must have with my kids.
Unless you don’t have a television or use a computer, it is difficult to escape the onslaught of coverage when something like the Weiner sexting issue arises. Children are extremely tuned into these events and we have to take the unfortunate opportunity to talk with them about expectations, guidelines, laws, and common sense. Talking with your kids about sexting might be one of those talks you never planned to have, and really can’t seem to bring yourself to do, but it ranks right up there with stranger danger conversations in importance.
How to talk with your kids about sexting
Keep it simple. Not all kids have cell phones and not all kids who have cell phones use them for anything other to call home for a ride after practice. Start with basic guidelines for phone usage and don’t overwhelm your kids with information if you think that will only make them less likely to ask questions.
Use social media. You don’t have to question or accuse your kids or their friends about sexting. There are plenty of real world examples you can use. Ask your teenager what she thinks about the Weiner scandal, and share your own thoughts. Her answers will help you gauge where she is at on the topic and it helps to approach the subject without putting her on the defense.
Rinse and repeat. Just like all of those other slightly uncomfortable conversations, don’t have this one just one or two times. I am confident that there will be another Weiner who will use technology to provide lifelong memories of poor decisions. Regularly discuss these issues with your kids so they don’t end up at the podium someday trying to defend such actions at a press conference.
What to say to your kids about sexting
Criminal Concerns
Currently, sexting by minors falls under child pornography laws. As of April, 2011 there were at least 21 states that had put forth bills and resolutions that were targeted at the sending of sexually explicit, nude, or semi-nude pictures of individuals under the age of 18 by cell phone. The laws are extending to online use as well, most often under the child pornography umbrella. Those pictures that a 15 year old takes and sends to her boyfriend can actually land both of them in legally hot water. Make sure your child understands that even possessing an inappropriate picture someone snapped in the locker room on their cell phone puts them in legal liability – even if they didn’t take or pose for the picture.
True Privacy
When it comes to privacy and technology, there is no such thing. You should remind your kids that anything they say, text, type, or photograph is forever engraved on digital records. Files get inadvertently sent to the wrong people, a computer or phone gets hacked, or a once trusted friend makes a poor decision – just ask Anthony Weiner about this one. If you don’t want your grandmother and mother to see it, don’t photograph it or type it.
Protected Future
While it is hard for teens to comprehend, there will be a future someday were they will look back and perhaps not be proud of everything they did. My generation doesn’t have to face a digital record of every mistake, but our children don’t get away so easily. Make sure they understand that future employers look to the internet for background checks and inappropriate postings could put their employment at risk. Future boyfriends/girlfriends, spouses, and even children will also potentially have access to this information. It is hard for teens to sometimes predict these repercussions, which is why parents should take advantage of things like the Weiner scandal to highlight how detrimental sexting can be.
Ground Rules
Set ground rules for phone use, especially phones with cameras. Clearly describe to your child what the definition of inappropriate pictures is and what is considered sexting – there is some grey area that teens might not consider to be in that category, but parents do. Don’t be afraid to ask to see the pictures on the phone (randomly). It is your job to make sure that the phone is used appropriately, that your kids are safe, and their futures are protected.
In a world where every click of a button or turn of a virtual page brings the personal lives of others ever closer, parents just can’t ignore topics like sexting. I’m sure there will be another Weiner around the corner, giving us another opportunity for an uncomfortable conversation, but don’t wait for him. Communicate with your kids and make sure their cell phones are being used for PG rated communication.
