If you ask other people, opinions are sure to vary. There will be people reminding you about the population problem of the world. There will be people who will wish you’ll have twins. There will be people making you feel guilty about your only child having to share. And then there will be people wondering why you would want more when you already have more than one child.
And then of course, there are the real, practical concerns of having to divide resources. Pregnancy will cost you, depending on the difficulty of the pregnancy and the circumstances of the delivery. Breastfeeding will save you on formula but diapers, well-baby visits and vaccinations will still add up. Food, clothes, other nice-to-haves and in time, tuition fees aren’t free either. And then there would be the hassles of finding a good day care or a trustworthy babysitter. You will also divide your time and energy between your spouse and child/ children. ‘Me’ time will be harder to come by.
Scared already?
Then again, sometimes, blessings in the form of children come unexpectedly. And sometimes, however impractical it may seem, we just long for another one. What then are the things that we do have to keep in mind?
- Expanding a family is a very personal decision that only the couples involved can make. You can take into consideration existing children’s thoughts, feelings and specific needs but ultimately, the decision is yours to make. Make the decision out of nothing but love and stand by it — your other kids, relatives, and friends will come around.
- Try not to worry excessively about finances unless you really have no means of supporting your kids. Your priorities will change and you can learn to budget well.
- Time management and routines will help you enjoy each member of your family, no matter how few or many of them are.
- Each addition to the family causes stress. Even a goldfish can become a source of conflict and tension, what more a new baby. But all the resulting changes can become positive if you embrace them and adjust accordingly. Every addition is also bound to bring with it some, if not a lot, of rewards. Each child at least will also be an extra set of hands to help around the house.
- Love only gets multiplied, never divided. But yes, your time will be divided and you must divide it according to where each child is. You cannot delegate breastfeeding but you can delegate burping and changing to your husband so you can have more time with the older child, who may need more stories read to him initially. The baby won’t mind and the older kid(s) will be assured and will have less reason to be jealous.
- Sibling rivalries are natural and common and even healthy, up to a point. The degree of rivalry, however, will depend on the parents and their discipline. Showing favouritism, comparing out loud and sending signals of guilt can all aggravate anxiety and jealousy in a child and tension among siblings.
- A child, or another child, is no solution to a rocky marriage. Deal with major problems first before even thinking of expanding your family as it may just lead to catastrophic results.
- There is nothing wrong about parents of handicapped children wanting another one, wishing it will be a healthy one this time. Handicaps can bring forth a lot of beautiful traits in the family, like compassion and empathy and tolerance. A healthy child is sure to benefit from these lessons and a handicapped child is sure to benefit from having someone more to love him.
- There can be no total preparation for each new addition. Pregnancies may become difficult. Some babies are more sickly than others. Some will grow up requiring special care. Again, it is finding the positive that will help families through any of these hurdles. It’s how you react to adversity that will determine your success.
To quote Marguerite Kelly (Family Almanac), “Of all the reasons for having more than one child, the joy and the surprise of watching each one unfold, and so differently, is surely the greatest — and the most lasting.”
Expanding the family is a personal decision — so long as you know you will not be overstretching the resources necessary for each addition’s care, then you are bound to do just fine.
