Getting a divorce can be a trying and stressful time in anyone’s life. If you have kids, sharing with them your plans for divorce can be downright painful and difficult. Before sitting down to tell them this life changing news, there are some things to consider.
Tell Your Children Together
First, no matter if the divorce is friendly or bitter, it is critically important for the parents to put their feelings aside and sit down and come up with a plan for breaking the news. If at all possible parents should speak to their kids together. If for whatever reason they cannot talk to their children at the same time they will need to decide which parent will ultimately break the news. Sometimes the news is taken better if it comes from the parent that is closer to the child. Before telling your kids, decide what you will say to them and who will say it. Be sure to keep any resentment out of the conversation. Practicing what you will say is also a good idea.
Be Prepared to Explain the Future Plan
Prior to speaking with your kids you should also have a plan set. It will be important for you to let them know everything that will be happening. Knowing who will live where and what other changes will be taking place is important to know prior to talking with your children. Children will take comfort in knowing what will happen next.
Tell Only What They Need to Know
When deciding what it is you will say to your kids take into consideration how old they are and what they will be able to understand. Never tell them more than what they need to know or what they cannot understand. Instead focus on how their life will change. Younger children up to approximately age five will need some extra nurturing. While they may not understand a lot of what is happening, they will need to feel reassured that they will be cared for and are safe.
Kids of all ages will want to know the logistics of what the divorce will mean to them. Kids will want to know where it is they will live and where their parents will be living. They will want to know if they will be able to stay in the same school and still be able to see their friends. If you have pets they will want to know if they will be living with them. They will also want to be assured they can still be on the baseball team and participate in their current activities.
Do Not Place Blame and Reassure Children it’s Not Their Fault
During the conversation with your children you will want to make sure that you do not place blame on one parent or another. You will want to reassure them that they are not to blame and that your feelings for them will never change. You should reassure them throughout the conversation that you love them and that the divorce has nothing to do with them but is just between their parents.
Allow Children to Ask Questions
Finally, after you are done talking make sure to ask the children if they have any questions. The older your children are the tougher the questions might be. Do your best to answer honestly and in a way that they can process and understand the answers.
Know that all children take news like divorce differently. It can be very difficult for them to understand and accept what is happening. Some will act out in anger and frustration and still other might be sad and cry. Others may withdraw. You will need to be patient while they adjust to the news and make sure that they know you are there and love them.
Divorce can affect children badly. However if the adults split in a careful manner, and continue to support their children , the damage can be limited.