When my first child was just several months old I did what so many working women do – I stopped breastfeeding because I just didn’t feel capable of doing both. Even though I worked for a very large company, there were no policies for breastfeeding moms, no places in which to discreetly pump during the day, and no extended breaks allowed in order to feed my daughter if she was brought to the office. There were no mothers in my circle of friends and co-workers who breastfed after returning to work, if at all. I felt as if I had failed in that one job that as a mother I was supposed to be able to do.

Breastfeeding, although recommended by the World Health Organization, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and other leading organization as the most complete and best way to feed infants, is still not accepted in so many modern cultures. When it is accepted, it is not always supported and encouraged.

Just as recently as December of 2011, a breastfeeding sit-in was declared in Target stores across America in response to one mother’s reports of ill-treatment after she chose to breastfeed her baby in the store. Employees apparently asked her to move from her spot in the women’s clothing section of the store where she was breastfeeding her baby, completely covered with a blanket, to an even more remote location – a dressing room.

Those who do find offense to breastfeeding appear to be most specifically adverse to it when it is done where they know it is happening. It doesn’t even have to be something that is seen – it can be as innocent as a mother swaddling her baby under a blanket where not even a single tiny toe is visible. The naysayers appear to be afraid that even a glimpse of breast flesh might be seen. Ironic, in a country where you can’t go to the mall without seeing teenagers dressed in less clothing than I wear to the beach, and where movies and television commercials are flooded with more skin than I ever revealed breastfeeding.

The Stigmas of Breastfeeding

In third world countries breastfeeding is a necessity and a completely accepted and encouraged aspect of raising children. However, in industrial nations such as the United States of America, breastfeeding is still looked at as something that is done in large part by 4 groups of moms:

• Throwback hippies (I saw this with all of the love for a generation from which I come)
• Natural pathogen moms who wouldn’t ever consider manufactured foods of any kinds
• Working moms who have more demanding things to do with their time
• Those who are too poor to purchase formula and the necessary supplies

Moms who might consider breastfeeding are often put off by several stereotypes, stigmas, and unfortunate concerns.

• Formula, like wine, is not cheap, especially the good stuff. There is an undercurrent in American society that breastfeeding is something that those who can’t afford formula choose to do.
• Breastfeeding is icky (according to some). There is a stigma that it is gross and perverted to have an infant so dependent on what society has declared to be a purely sexual body part. Our “modernized” society has melded breastfeeding and sexual imagery – two totally separate issues – and has somehow declared breastfeeding in public to be inappropriate. Yet parents can yell at their children during tee-ball games, belittle their children for not doing well enough in school, and ignore their children as they spend more time texting than talking. Somehow our definition of inappropriate has gone askew.
• Breastfeeding reduces your social life. Nothing says “new mom” like when you are out with friends to dinner and a baby nearby begins to cry and you spring a leak in a natural response.
• Breastfeeding your baby means you won’t be able to return to work at full capacity and pursue career goals with vigor.

Yes – there are unfortunately some truths to these stigmas, but only because society hasn’t caught up to reality. They shouldn’t be stigmas and issues that stop moms from providing this wonderful and natural source of nutrition for their babies.

• Breastfeeding does mean restructuring your social life – but so does becoming a parent in general. Good friends at dinner won’t think less of you if you need to pump-n-dump – those who do probably aren’t worth dinner plans anyway.
• Even though the laws are changing, they are still not current with world health opinions and endeavors. Working outside of the home will be more challenging as a breastfeeding mom. You will need to plan ahead and let your employer know how often you will need to pump and work with your employer to find a suitable place to do this and store the milk. It won’t always be easy, but it will be worth your time and your infant’s health and relationship with you. Don’t let it be something you regret like I do.

When my 2^nd child was just days old I became very ill with a high fever and signs of a bacterial infection, and was told I needed to be hospitalized for a round of IV antibiotics. I immediately saw my hopes and plans of breastfeeding for at least the first year of his life begin to fail as I hadn’t even been able to breastfeed long enough to establish a pattern with my newborn – until my stubborn Irish side kicked in and I refused to be admitted to the hospital without my son allowed in my room so I could breastfeed. The hospital staff relented and I was admitted for 3 days of treatment with him at my side.

That baby, and his brothers who followed, were all breastfed for at least the first year of their lives, despite the roadblocks and stigmas that modern society tends to place on the choice. Don’t let the breastfeeding backlash stop you from providing your child with the best nutritional and developmental start possible – even if you aren’t Irish.

Related posts:

1. Using Kangaroo Mother Care to Support Breastfeeding
2. Breastfeeding in Public – How to Make It Work
3. Breastfeeding: Challenging and Really Doable

Bedding
Gone are the days of frilly bumper pads and thick matching quilts. The new baby bedding trends are about safety. Bumper pads are no longer recommended as they can pose strangulation and entrapment dangers for babies, and the American Academy of Pediatrics warns parents not to place blankets or stuffed animals in the cribs as well. All of the new moms who dreamed of beautiful crib ensembles don’t have to settle for just plan sheets, however. On the list of fun to try pieces are new fitted sheets like these that have added designs on the sides to mimic a lower look of a bumper pad, but it can also alert you to whether or not the sheet is fitted properly.

Bottles
Gone are the old days of glass bottles that wouldn’t survive a day at baby gym glass. If you are considering bottle-feeding, even part of the time, you also may have heard about the risks of using plastic bottles. There are many studies that question the safety of BPA (Bisphenol A), a compound found in many plastics, including baby bottles. There are current debates about the health and safety of infants exposed to this chemical through bottles.

The new look for babies and parents are stainless steel baby bottles. The push for these is across several levels, including the “green” choice of the product that can be recycled, the durability of the material, and the freedom from BPA found in plastics. Stainless steel bottles and sippy cups can also be easier to clean and safer in the long-run because their scratch-resistant surfaces don’t allow for areas in which bacteria can grow.

Induced Lactation
Adoptions and surrogate parents bring joy to parents and help create new families, but often did not offer the possibilities of non-birth parents breastfeeding. Now some pediatricians offer cocktails of hormones and supplements that are designed to mimic the hormones of pregnancy. Also known as adoptive breast-feeding, the general idea is derived from the wet nurses of centuries gone by. Not all parents are opting for the prescription pad when it comes to this feeding option, as some lactation consultants recommend herbal teas and round the clock breast pumping to stimulate breast-milk production. This, however, is usually not as successful in producing the quantity of milk necessary to sustain feeding a healthy newborn, but it does provide parents with the ability to form this close bond as well as pass along helpful antibodies.

High Tech Baby Monitors
There is an app for everything! My first baby monitor could double as low-budget eavesdropping technology as it picked up conversations of other moms and kids in the neighborhood. Now parents can plug in their iPads and phones and use them as baby monitors at a moment’s notice. Not all apps have video, but as long as you can hear your little one snoozing or screaming, it probably doesn’t matter in the long run. This means one less thing to pack for the trip to Grandma’s, too.

The Extras

• Apps for keeping tabs on the ins and outs – the milk and the poo – so you will never have to ask yourself again, “When was the last time he…?”
• Ear scopes that parents can safely use to check for the source of that screaming pain, such as this one, can provide back-up in the middle of the night when you just aren’t sure. After watching one son suffer through tremendous ear problems, I know that gadgets like these can help get to the source quickly (but always check with your doctor with questions!).
• Attachments for your strollers just for your phone so your beverage holder doesn’t get lonely!

At the end of the day, so many of the gadgets and gizmos we surround our babies with don’t give what they really need most – our time and attention. There is no app for the nurturing bonds we can provide as we snuggle with our babes, listen to their heartbeats in person, and pay attention to the subtle signals they give us for their needs. If they ever make apps to replace those moments, I don’t want one anyway!

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You’ve waited for months to deliver and cherish your new baby. The crib has been assembled, the diapers are stacked, and the booties line the drawer. Everything is ready – except for your bag for the hospital. Just what are you supposed to pack for one of the most physically demanding, emotionally amplified, wonderful moments of your life?

The Basic Must Haves

Keep an envelope or file folder ready to go with some of the boring, but necessary information. You never know when you might start labor so keep this file in an obvious, accessible place to help ease the process. For my first child I didn’t even realize I was in labor and I went to my regular doctor appointment – he sent me right to the hospital and I had to scramble directions together over the phone for family members as to where to find everything at my house. Other basic requirements for your folder include:

• Insurance card and any required precertification papers
• Photo ID (some hospitals and birthing centers also require labor coaches to show ID)
• A complete list of contact information, including your partner’s or labor coaches contact numbers and a list of who to call to share the great news
• A separate set of instructions for anyone who you are having check on the house, the pets, or care for your other children while you are at the hospital
• Birth plan

For Mom’s Bag

You’ve planned for months how you hope this moment will transpire and have maybe created a birth plan to help facilitate the experience. Your bag should include everything you need for delivery and the day or two before you take your new baby home.

• Eyeglasses and contact supplies
• Toothbrush and paste
• Soap and shampoo – use mild, unscented soap, especially if you plan to nurse so you don’t irritate your baby’s senses
• Deodorant
• Hair brush, barrettes, and ponytail holders
• Sanitary pads – while the hospital can provide these, they are usually not the brand or fit that you would choose on your own (just remember that your flow will most likely be heavier than a normal period)
• Nursing pads – even if you don’t plan to breastfeed you will go through a period of engorgement and need the coverage for leaking
• Slippers and socks
• Underwear – extra pairs you can throw away if they become too stained from blood
• Nursing bras
• Pajamas – if you are planning to breastfeed consider ones that button in the front
• Bathrobe
• Comfortable clothes for the hospital – By day 2 at the hospital I always preferred by own comfortable clothes than pajamas
• Comfy outfit for taking baby home – consider layers as your body will be adjusting to fluctuating hormone levels and you may go through hot and cold flashes
• Pillow – use a colorful case so it doesn’t get confused with hospital issue cases
• Music or other comfort measures
• Picture or item for focusing on during labor

For Partner’s Bag

Your partner or labor coach will need their own little supply bag for the delivery. My husband always left those details up to me, but he was glad for the extra supplies when the days got longer than anticipated.

• Swimsuit – you may want a water labor or even just to shower while in labor
• Change of clothes – you never know how long labor will last or what your partner might be doing when you go into labor (I had a friend whose construction-working husband showed up at the hospital with his orange vest and coveralls on!)
• Money for vending machines and other minimal purchases
• Cameras and battery charges, and explicit instructions on when and where you want those cameras aimed!
• Snacks like gum, mints, oranges, and protein bars
• A copy of your birth plan
• A copy of contact information

The Extras

After our first child there were a few extras I always packed in my bag.

• Gifts for older siblings to receive when they come to meet the newest member of the family – I made t-shirts for them pronouncing their new roles as Big Sister and Big Brother and a special gift
• Pictures of older siblings that I taped to the inside of the hospital bassinet (so when older siblings come they feel they have a special place)
• A gift for the new baby that the older siblings chose – My 8-year-old still has his small teddy bear that was waiting in the bassinet for his birth
• A baby book – you might feel exhausted from labor or you might sit up all night staring at your precious child. I always took a few moments to record those emotions and details that I always wanted my children to know about their true first birthday.
• Thank you cards – there will be a good chance that you might get flowers in your room or have visitors stop by to congratulate your family. Get those thank you notes done right away, and while your baby is still blissfully sleeping away.

Your labor and delivery probably won’t go exactly as hoped or planned, so probably the single most important thing you bring with you to the hospital is acceptance. Accept that your body will do amazing and sometimes crazy things. Accept that you will wish things could go a little faster, easier, or with less pain, but that in the end you will have your beautiful baby in your arms.

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Renewed Focus on Breastfeeding

There is a pendulum swing again in the conversation about which type of feeding is best for your baby. For hundreds of years the mainstay option was breastfeeding. Then along came the ability of and interest in women spending time away from home, working, socializing, and being active in their communities while still being moms. In order to accomplish these other goals, moms turned to formula to supplement or replace breastfeeding.

Recently hospitals have been taking second looks at their roles in encouraging or discouraging breastfeeding, the method that is still recommended by pediatricians to be the most complete nutrition for babies. For decades hospitals in the United States have been sending home diaper bags with new moms, provided by formula producing companies, complete with starter formula kits for new moms. These same hospitals are now moving to more neutral ground, supplying moms with general information about newborn care. Hospitals are also encouraging skin to skin contact, or kangaroo care. After my own children were born our hospital staff encouraged kangaroo care to help regulate their tiny bodies’ temperature levels and promote breastfeeding.

Supportive Breastfeeding Strategies

As the healthcare industry begins to recognize that breastfeeding is possible with supportive strategies, even for busy moms who work outside the homes, it is important to keep in mind the basics that help mothers find success in breastfeeding, especially through kangaroo mother care. Some proponents of kangaroo mother care recommend almost continuous skin to skin contact, allowing for a diaper and hat for the newborn, and using a swaddle wrap to hug the baby to your chest. Others who use or recommend this method feel that it is more important to implement the strategy of regular, but not necessarily constant, skin to skin contact.

Starting Right

As soon as babies are born it is important for them to have skin to skin contact with their mothers. This helps regulate the baby’s body temperature and soothes her after the birth process. Fathers can also participate in this practice, although newborns are sometimes more sensitive to their mothers’ sounds and scents. This close contact is the foundation of the kangaroo mother care technique.

Whether the birth occurs at home, in a hospital, or a regional birthing center, keeping babies close to their mothers will help facilitate the kangaroo mother care approach. Mothers in close proximity to their infants will be more likely to quickly learn the subtle signals their newborns are making and be able to respond, implementing the kangaroo care style of interaction.

Sometimes new mothers find it challenging or awkward to begin breastfeeding. It is important for moms to relax and remain calm during the process. Breastfeeding rarely happens like in the movies – in one swift move the mother miraculously nurses her child for the first time in one flawless motion. The reality is that this is new for both of you and it will take time to figure out what works best.

Even if you are unsure about whether or not you will exclusively breastfeed or formula feed, taking time for skin to skin contact will help create that special connection between you and your child. It may even lead you to nurse when you see the reaction from your newborn.

Successful Breastfeeding

You and your baby will go through phases of success and frustration in breastfeeding. Don’t give up! Try using kangaroo mother care where you repeatedly place your child on your chest, allowing her to root around.

• Talk with a lactation consultant at your local hospital.
• Contact a La Leche League consultant to share your concerns and work on a new strategy.
• Talk with your child’s pediatrician and form a plan together.

Breastfeeding has numerous benefits for moms and babies. Getting to the point where it is a relaxed and natural feeding method is not always easy, but patience and persistence are required to get there. The kangaroo mother care approach is just one more way to connect with your baby, forming a close bond that supports breastfeeding and improved health for both of you.

Related posts:

1. Breastfeeding Backlash
2. Breastfeeding in Public – How to Make It Work
3. Breastfeeding: Challenging and Really Doable

• Get age appropriate books that make having a new baby in the house exciting and rewarding, and incorporate these into regular reading times.
• Take your older children to doctor appointments so that they can hear the heartbeat. Sharing that helps them feel like a part of the experience and lets them know that you are healthy and strong. It also helps to reassure them that you are not going to the doctor because the baby is making you sick, but to make sure you are both growing well, just like at their own check-ups.
• Take advantage of classes at your local hospital if available. When we had our younger children, their siblings were just old enough to attend “sibling classes” at the local hospital. These involved meeting for 2 evenings where the kids got to check out the nursery, the rooms where I would be staying, and talk about how much fun they were going to have being a big brother or sister.
• Have your older child(ren) pick out something special for the new baby. Our 3 older children searched for weeks to find the perfect stuffed animal for their baby brother, and helped pack it into my hospital bag. That Kelly Bear is the most ragged create around and has only one eye left, but is the most treasured stuffed animal in the home, 9 years later.
• Spend some time with other families who have new babies in the house. It is good to expose your children to the wiggly toes, squeaky cries, and wonders of babies before there is suddenly this new person in the home – to stay.
• Be wary of speaking baby language – where everything you say and do revolves around the new addition. You are feeling all of the excitement and wonder of this new little person in your life, but older siblings want reassurance that life in the family is status quo, and that you are still excited about life right now with them.
• Talk with older kids about their own births, and how much you love them. Then talk with them about how much they have grown and all of the things they can do now, that the baby won’t be doing. This highlights their unique place in the world as a big brother or sister.
• Have older children create a small “Welcome Baby” sign for the hospital. We just used 4” paper hearts that the kids decorated with words and pictures, then had them attach their pictures to their paper hearts. When I was in labor we taped the hearts to the inside of the hospital bassinet. When the kids came to the hospital to meet their new brother they loved to see their hearts surrounding him in the room.
• Prepare a small gift for each older sibling from the new baby. We loved the tradition of t-shirts or sweatshirts proclaiming Big Sister or Big Brother across the front. I also included something for each child that would encourage independent play –  things like craft kits and sticker books.
• Continue or create a tradition that you can still share once a new baby comes home, such as sharing a cup of cocoa in the morning with your older child or saying a special prayer together at bed time. 

Remember to be positive, encouraging, and reassuring, and the new addition will be a special time for the entire family!

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According to msnbc.com’s article ‘Blood test for Down syndrome creates ethical debate,’ there may soon be a more accurate blood test available that can determine if the child you are carrying is at risk for Down syndrome. This blood test may rule out the need for an amniocentesis, or may confirm the need for one depending on the results. Many mothers-to-be are hesitant to get an amniocentesis, a process that involves inserting a needle through the uterus, because there is a small chance of miscarriage. Therefore, many pregnant women are not aware that their child may be born with Down syndrome. Down syndrome is typically diagnosed after a baby’s birth, but, with a simple blood test widely available, possibly as soon as next April, more parents will be able to discover that they are carrying a baby with Down syndrome before it is born.

“One in every 691 babies is born with Down Syndrome… Approximately 400,000 families have a child with Down syndrome” in the United States.—The National Down Syndrome Society

Two companies, Verinata Health Inc. and Sequenom Inc., both based in California, state that the blood test could be done as soon as 8-10 weeks into the pregnancy. This leads to the implication that the abortion rate could rise. With little to no outward physical evidence of a pregnancy and no physical baby to bond with, it is a possibility that more pregnant women could decide to terminate the pregnancy once the test confirms the higher chance of a Down syndrome diagnosis. Msnbc.com goes on to say that it will spare pregnant women the burden of telling friends and family, and even their husbands that they are carrying a special needs baby.

After I wrote this article I skimmed down to the comment section and was shocked to find statements such as these:

“I would not keep a disable (sic) fetus, I would abort… tax payers have to support them all their lives. It is a drain on society and the parents. I am totally against bringing disable (sic) children to the world.”—americanfools2008

A parent of a child with a chronic illness states: “Yeasr (sic) later although it wasn’t a mental impairment just physical, that child wishes no one would have to live his life… We of course don’t regret having the child but given a choice all involved feel an abortion and giving talking another chance would have been better.”—Susan-2428843

“Or, there can be an early D&C and the family can try again. We, as humans, need to stop making room for problems for our evolution.”—RaisedByWolves

As I kept reading, and my blood kept boiling, I noticed that the majority of the comments appeared to be negative toward people with so-called “disabilities.” (I prefer to call them special needs kids. Many of them can do anything you can do!) And then I stumbled upon this nugget:

“If our concern is how individuals with disabilities are treated by society, why not try to change how society acts towards them? There will ALWAYS be individuals with disabilities around us, and if we want to make life better for them, we need to change the way society acts towards them.”—Viking Annie

Regardless of the way society feels about disabilities, the blood test is soon to be a reality and may replace current screening tools altogether. It may take away the benefit of hindsight from which many of us speak, and may coax the ignorant on to other debates instead of this one. So I ask you, my readers, is this new blood test a wonderful medical tool or a method to play God?

For more information about Down syndrome, visit these links:
National Down Syndrome Society: http://www.ndss.org/
March of Dimes http://www.marchofdimes.com/Baby/birthdefects_downsyndrome.html?gclid=COPDwuH3sqkCFYJ75QodKx6eNQ

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The world, or a portion of CNN.com’s audience anyway, recently weighed in on the great debate.

The choice

Many people feel pressure to become parents, because that’s what the majority of the world does. Still others feel ambivalent about parenthood. On the opposite side of the fence are people who choose not to have children for reasons such as economics or the state of the world. It is a dangerous world out there, and babies are expensive. There are an increasing number of people, like NAK, quoted below, who believe quite strongly that parenthood is not the correct path for anyone. He writes, “Since this planet is overpopulated, what makes you think that you’re so great that your DNA needs to be passed on?”

So who is happiest?

Footloose and fancy free

Those of us who have children, particularly active young children, wistfully remember the days when we could sleep in until noon, do something spur of the moment without having to pack up a minivan, or even use the facilities without little hands trying to bust down the door. But were we happier then? Wow57 weighed in on CNN stating “I was childless for 43 years and had no clue what I was missing.” Says Laureth, “I love my girls (16 and 13) with my whole heart and soul. I would wrestle a grizzly bear to protect them. I would take a bullet for them. They have enriched my life in ways I can’t even verbalize. But that being said, there are days when I could cheerfully, and without regret, sell them to the circus.”

Is there anything better than parenting?

People who don’t have kids also don’t have diapers, daycare costs, college tuition to save for, and countless other stressors. Do those factors outweigh the joys of seeing your baby take her first steps or coaching your son’s Little League team?

If you ask most parents, they’ll tell you no, that having kids was the best decision they ever made and they have no regrets. Very rarely will they admit that parenting is difficult and there are days when they want to pack up the car and head to Mexico… alone. Nonetheless, “Parenting has challenges and it’s not easy, but being a dad is the best gig I ever had,” says Kevin591.

And the winner is…

As it turns out, we are all winners of the “who’s happiest” debate. According to Madelyn Cain, who wrote “The Childless Revolution: What It Means to Be Childless Today,” it is not about whether or not you have children; it is about having a choice. People who choose not to have children tend to do so because they are happy with the way their lives are already. So while it’s true that couples without children are more able to be spontaneous, may be more financially stable, and are able to have complete conversations with their spouses without being interrupted, it’s also true that the sacrifices parents make are outweighed by the many joys of being a parent.

What do you think? Are you happy with your choice?

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The first thing you will probably notice is your tiredness.  It may feel as though you you ran a marathon, or you were up all night having crazy monkey sex with your husband, but no…nothing quite that exciting…just growing a life.    You see, you are like a battery that is left on all night, and you will no doubt, feel drained.  But do not fret child, this will pass.  As baby grows, you are providing all the cell growth for this little tiny lamb to turn into a full grown baby.

Right now, you may think it is only a blob, but it is much more than that!  Baby is forming as we speak.  By ten weeks, they have perfect hand prints and foot prints, and not to mention a beating heart! Yes, you may only be two in a half months along, but baby is just that…a living baby, who already knows how to exhaust mom.

Next, you will notice you suddenly look like a hair and skin model, yes, its true, the extra hormones from baby are actually creating a positive reaction!  During this time, it is not uncommon to receive plentiful comments on “that beautiful pregnancy glow”.  Savor this, for you will have those days where you feel unsexy and unattractive as you remember the days when you were able to fit into your skinny jeans.  Just remember, to everyone else, you look great…trust me.

As your belly grows, so will everything else, but remember, it’s all apart of bringing another person into this world.  It’s totally normal to have a freak out once in awhile, because you “gained ten pounds in a week and a half”, but be calm.  As long as you are eating when your actually hungry, stopping when full, and making sure you’re getting some good greens in you’re diet, than you’ll be fine.  You’re body will adjust to baby.  Lets say you gained ten pounds in the week in a half around Thanksgiving (not that  that happened to me or anything), and you start to freak out.

Your baby will feel you tense and it could cause your baby to tense.  We don’t want that.  But if you gave it some time, you might find that you don’t  gain anymore significant weight for another month or so.  A lot of those calories go to you your baby.  However, everyone is different, and if you you feel like you could end up looking like Austin Powers’ Fat Bastard, than I would recommend having a little chat with your doctor or midwife about healthy eating habits that will benefit you and baby.

All in all, you will go through many bodily changes (and many mood swings), but just remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  You are doing this for your baby and he/she will be forever grateful.  Your body will go back (especially if your nursing), and you will be surprised at the agility and elasticity of your body.  Remember, it took nine months for these changes to happen, so don’t expect any less time than that after baby is born for your body to get back normal.  Enjoy this last bit of “coupledome” before you hit “kiddome”, all while wearing your fat pants.

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First thing you guys need to know is that every woman, no matter how happy and content they seem, need to be always told they are beautiful (especially when they look like they swallowed an elephant) and most importantly… SEXY.  We as woman feel it is our duty to keep our men always wanting more of us (and not the twenty three year old secretary no matter how unattractive), because we will go one of two ways when pregnant, and that’s, “I’m soooo fat”, or “damn, I look good pregnant”.

Personally, I think ALL woman should feel the latter, because no matter what they look like, they are doing something amazing, and that is keeping a tiny baby alive inside her belly, and NOTHING is more beautiful than that.  If you can’t make your woman feel like the most incredibly sexy thing on earth, than you my friend, are in for a very interesting year.  It’s simple, really though.  Tenderly kiss her neck, tell her how hot she is, gaze into her eyes, even smack her butt on occasion! It will make her feel loved and craved, which in return will not only get you something fun in bed, but you will have a relaxed and happy pregnant woman (which is MUCH better than a cranky one).

Secondly, when you feel she’s about to blow her top (and not in a good way), just smile lovingly and say, “okay honey”.  That will help diffuse the situation that she is no doubt, ready to blow way out of proportion.  When she is starting to get irritated, because the garbage still hasn’t been taken out, or the socks are still on the floor, the best thing to do is to simply do as asked.  If you really want to score some points, do these things before she even asks!  If she’s asking something of you that really is not realistic, than pick a relaxed time…perhaps while rubbing her feet and discuss it calmly.  Make sure you have valid points before you bring this up.  If she still gets huffy puffy, than just tell her you will do your best to figure it out.

One thing men must understand is that when we are pregnant (or just had a baby) and have all these hormones flowing through us, we truly think we are making logical requests and not asking too much.  Our brains are at our max and can only handle so much, so the best thing to do, is try to be the best loving husband you can be.

Third, ask us how our day was!  Even if we are stay-at-home moms, there is still a lot of stress on us to wash the dishes, clean the house, run errands, get groceries, give the kids a bath, make dinner, and still be desirable to you when you get home…and that’s when we’re not pregnant!  So, when we are doing these things while pregnant (or as a new mom), than take a moment and ask us how our day was.

Even if it was a lazy day, it still means the world to us, that at the end of your hard day at work, making hard earned money, you still took the time to ask how our day was.  It will make your woman feel that she is important to you and that you are putting her needs before your own.  And if she’s still working, than it will mean even more to her!

Fourth, tell her that you love her countless times throughout the day!  It’s really all about reassuring your gal that she is the only one you see.  If you can do all of these things that I have mentioned, than you will be ahead of the game and you will be able to gauge the situation and control it, because we all know when we’re pregnant, we tend to lose it…and that’s okay, but we need a constant in this time of change.  A rock.   That is the most important role in your woman’s life and you are it.

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The Age of the Child

When I was pregnant with my 2^nd child, I waited until after the first trimester to tell my 4 year old.  I did this for a couple of reasons.  First, time is very abstract to young children, and 9 months can seem like forever.  Second, I was fairly anxious during the pregnancy and I wanted to wait until I felt a bit more secure about it.

I now find myself pregnant again, and my son is now 6 and a half.  We’ll probably tell him earlier this time, mostly so he can understand why Mommy isn’t feeling well.  Although I am a high risk for miscarriage, there’s no way we could hide our emotions should we lose the baby, so there’s no sense keeping it from him.

My almost 2 year old doesn’t really understand what a “little brother” or “little sister” is, and I imagine we won’t explicitly tell her at all until I am showing quite a bit.  At that point, she’ll be a little older, and the visual reminder of my growing tummy might help her out with what is still a pretty strange concept to a little one!

The Temperament of the Child

Parents know their own kids best, and are the best judges of how children will react to the news.  My son, always intuitive, has been making comments about how he wonders if I will have another baby.  He’s definitely picking up on something.  However, he is also very sensitive, and we have the added challenge of explaining the nature of a high-risk pregnancy to a gentle and fearful little boy.

The Complexities of the Pregnancy

Morning sickness, fatigue, risk, and pregnancy history can all factor into the decision of when to tell a child about a pregnancy.  If a mother is throwing up constantly, it might ease a child’s fears to explain that Mommy isn’t sick, but pregnant!   In other cases, pregnant moms might need injections (because of IVF, or clotting disorders, for instance), and that might affect when to share the news.

In any case, sharing the happy news with children doesn’t need to be stressful.  It’s a cause for celebration, after all, and like they always do, kids will adjust.  Don’t stress out about the “right” time to tell the kids—simply enjoy the pregnancy and do what feels natural.

Related posts:

1. Exercise During Pregnancy
2. Pregnancy: The First Trimester In Brief
3. Dealing with a Difficult Pregnancy