College can be challenging enough for dedicated students, but attending college as a new mom adds a whole new twist to this academic venture. I hadn’t finished college before my first child was born, but I knew I wanted to complete my degree as soon as possible. Knowing what I wanted to do and finding the resources to accomplish that goal were at times oceans apart from each other.

For close to the first two years of my daughter’s life I was a college student. She sometimes attended classes with me, had her own backpack with toys and books, and was my faithful companion during late-night study sessions. Being a mom and a college student is not an easy task, but if you are committed to both of them, you can be successful at both. I actually found that non-traditional students like myself tended to be more responsible, reliable, and focused at college – we had to be. If you are considering going to college or going back to college as a parent, consider the following ideas that helped me get the degree I wanted (and am still glad I have).

Pick a Program

Make sure that the program you select to pursue is your passion. This advice is for anyone – but parents who go to college most likely don’t have the time or funds for “do overs”. If you are certain you want a college degree, make sure it is something you love and think the job market will reward you for in the near future.

When I first began college I wanted to be a social worker. However, as a new mom I also quickly learned the emotional toll that would take on me, especially understanding my own personality. I also knew that I wanted a degree that would enable me to have job flexibility and utilize my skills and passions. I had also watched friends flounder and eventually leave school because they didn’t have a specific passion or goal they were pursuing. When I reassessed my college goals I asked myself the following questions.

• Will this degree enable me to have employment without further training?
• If something happens to my partner will I be able to use this degree to support my child?
• Will this degree compliment me as a person (and as a mom)?
• Can I afford to go to school full-time and still be an involved mom, both financially and emotionally?
• How will my life be better because of this degree?
• How will my life be more challenging because of college?
• How will my child’s life be different because I am attending college?

Create a College Time Budget

If you think about your time like you think about your finances, you can budget the hours in your day and be less likely to fall into time debt – when you simply don’t have enough hours in the day to be a parent and student.

Consider your class schedule so that you account for 4 basic factors:

1. In-class time
2. Childcare time
3. Home time
4. Homework time

Some semesters I took night-classes 4 evenings each week so that my husband was home with our daughter. I did homework during her naptime as much as I could. Other semesters when this was not possible, I arranged my class schedules so that there were as few hours as possible spent on campus, and the extra hours in between classes were my study breaks. Then when I came home my attention was back on my family.

Consider Online Options Carefully

Way back in the day when I was attending college online classes were not prevalent and not even yet offered in my field. Today they offer many options, but you still need to consider several points.

Make certain that the online classes are from an accredited and recognized university.

If you are looking to supplement with online classes make sure that the credits earned will go toward your on-campus credits.

Don’t assume that college at home as a parent will be infinitely easier than taking on-campus classes. You still need to devote time to classes and homework, and just like being a work-at-home mom, it isn’t always as easy to carve away that time when you don’t physically leave the house.

Make a Homework Plan

My first semester of college as a mom was so much more difficult because I didn’t have a doable plan (unless you consider just waiting until my daughter fell asleep on my shoulder and studying while she slumbered in my arms).

Use in-between hours for homework – those times when you have breaks between classes are valuable minutes that you are already away from home and mom duties.

Consider paying a babysitter for 5 hours each week for homework time. I know the finances can be an issue, but in the long-run you will save your sanity and your grades.

Get creative with what you can do as a mom and student. I would bring my daughter to the library and spend the first half-hour reading and exploring with her, then as she tired put her in a baby-pack and do my own searching.

Host study groups. Toward the end of my college career I had to work on several group projects that required hours of outside collaboration. I invited classmates over and provided an easy meal and we did the studying at my home – allowing me to still participate as a student and as a mom.

Find Flexible Childcare

No matter how creatively you arrange your class schedules, there will most likely be times when you have to find childcare for school responsibilities – either classes, meetings, or finals. Formal daycare settings are not only expensive, but they rarely have the flexibility you need. I was extremely blessed to find a neighbor and friend who could watch my daughter when I had classes.

• Find a neighbor with whom you and your child are already comfortable and ask if they are interested in babysitting occasionally.
• Ask a stay-at-home mom. It can provide her with extra income without being a full-time commitment.
• Check with your college. Many of them have childcare programs for students.

Look for Scholarships

Attending college as a non-trad (non-traditional student) puts you apart from the rest. Look for scholarships where the goal is to support non-trads. Search for organizations like these that are specifically focused on providing funding to moms and single parents.

Is attending college while being a new mom easy? No. Was it the right choice for me? Absolutely. I earned the degree (Technical Writing/Computer Science) that supports my passion and now my ability to be a work-at-home mom. Just make sure the decision is right for you and your family – no one else can make that call for you.

Related posts:

1. How Much is a Mom Worth?
2. Challenges of Being a Working Mom
3. The Wars of the Work-at-Home Mom

As amazing and wonderful as being a stay-at-home mom can be, if you don’t plan for the realities of it the stress and responsibilities can be daunting. Over the years I made my fumbles, but thankfully was, and still am, able to stay home with all of my children and be a part of their everyday lives in ways I just don’t think I could if I had taken that dream job.

The Dreaded Budget and Financial Fears

• If at all possible practice with a single-income budget before you make the move to become a stay-at-home mom. Stash your current paycheck into savings and only use the income provided by your spouse. This will give you a real-world sampling of what it will be like to live on one paycheck.
• Consider which things you can comfortably live without in order to reach your goal of living on a single income. Look for things you can remove the expense of and still find similar benefits elsewhere.
• Cable – check out DVDs from your library instead
• Dinner out once week – go for dinner out once a month or take a picnic somewhere so you still feel like you are getting out
• Winter vacations – consider travelling in off seasons for reduced rates
• Gym membership – get together with moms from the neighborhood to work out together (set days/times for meeting to walk) or look for used equipment for the home
• Wine of the month club – treats like this have the price tag of convenience, so make a trip yourself once month to choose your own treat
• Be ready to clip corners and coupons. I became an expert at searching ads and sale prices and knowing when a bargain is truly a bargain.
• Buy in bulk only when there is not a “best buy” date (unless you have a large family). Things like toilet paper and soap have great shelf lives so stock up when you find rock-bottom prices.
• Buy generic, especially when it comes to your staple items. Stores like Aldi’s carry many household basics at fractions of the cost (and the items often come from the same manufacturers, with different labels thrown on them).
• Find ways to be your own service-person. As the mother of 3 sons (one who grows hair like Sasquatch), I quickly realized that haircuts are one area where I can be the salon manager. I invested $24 in a quality “buzz kit” and found a friend who used to work in a salon to give me some quick lessons. Even if I only cut their hair once each year myself, I had paid for the buzz kit the first time I used it. Other ways you can do the job yourself include:
• Car washing
• Dog grooming
• Manicures/pedicures
• Housecleaning
• Yard maintenance
• Simple home repairs (before we ever consider calling in a repair man we check online – someone somewhere else has always had the same problem and posted their solutions)
• Taxes (it can be intimidating the first year, but you can calm your fears by trying it yourself and then taking it in for review)
• Vehicle maintenance (even my 16 year old daughter has changed the oil in the car)
• Use online resources like Freecycle, Vegsource, FatWallet, and Ebates to make the most of your stay-at-home dollar.

Beyond the Budget: Hurdles for Stay-at-Home Moms

Yes – the finances are an obvious obstacle for parents who want to stay home with their children. However, there are other factors that can become hurdles as well, especially if we don’t go into the situation with both eyes wide open. Staying home with the kids has wonderful benefits, but there can be some hidden dangers along the way. If both partners are not on board with the decision you are setting yourself up for resentment and frustration, and much larger problems down the road.

• Make the budget together so there are no surprises.
• Set aside time to be a couple. You will need this even more once you start spending the majority of your time home with the demands of young children, but your partner will also need to know that you still have time and energy for him.
• Clearly set up the expectations of the household. Your partner might think that you staying home means you take on all of the household responsibilities, 7 days a week. If this is not your intention – be up front with it. Tell him you need him to help with dishes on the weekends or vacuuming on Saturday morning.
• Stay-at-home moms have large workloads that just sometimes go unrealized by partners, but approaching the situation calmly and respectfully is better than just wishing he would help more at bath-time but resenting him because he doesn’t.

Birds of a Feather

Find others who are stay-at-home parents for companionship and compassion (you will give and receive both!). Friends who also stay home with their kids are great resources for budget hints, time-saving strategies, and the latest free concerts for the toddlers on weekday morning. You can also take turns babysitting so each of you get that much needed sanity break (even if it is just to run to the grocery store).

The life of a stay-at-home mom is not very glamorous or sadly, highly respected, in many circles. You need to choose this path because it is your passion and because you truly feel it is right for your family. If you do, maybe in the end you will find that it is your dream job, just like I did.

Related posts:

1. Is Your Child Ready to Stay Home Alone?
2. Coping with the Challenges of a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM)
3. Are All Stay At Home Mom’s Equal?

Working from home became my end goal as two things happened: my children grew older and my expense lists grew longer. Add into those things a yearning for contributing more to the family finances and the sense of accomplishment that brings to me and I began my journey. Deciding to pursue working from home, often while also raising children, is a large enough decision by itself. Deciding, it turns out, is the easier job – find the work can be more challenging.

Cloud commuting is the modern twist on telecommuting. Where is once seemed a luxury to spend an extra day or two working at home each week instead of commuting to the office, cloud commuting means the home is the office, and often the client and the provider never meet in other than the virtual world. While this is a strange, convoluted notion for my grandmother, it is the opportunity that my mother never had. It is the ability to work at home, on my own schedule, and around the lives of my family – who are still my top priority.

First 3 Steps for Working at Home

There are important lessons I have learned over the years when it comes to working from home on the cloud commuting bus, and doing it without losing my sanity or wasting my time. The first 3 steps that can help you develop your plan include:

1. Make goals. You won’t be able to make decisions if you don’t know the purposes for making them.
2. Determine a minimum amount of money you need or want to contribute to the finances – realistically.
3. Determine a maximum of hours you can spend working from home, including paperwork, invoices, and seeking or maintaining connections.

These 3 steps are essential to working at home as a cloud commuter successfully. If you determine that you want to earn $1000 each month, you need to compare that with how many hours you can devote each week to reaching that goal. Stay at home moms and dads are busy people. I have met many who don’t feel they have any more than 12 hours each week to spend working from home. This calculates into 48 hours each month. In order to earn $1000 in one month, you would need to find a job that pays roughly $21/hour. Now that you have your goals set, it is time to move on to finding those jobs.

Getting Ready to Work from Home

Update your resume and portfolio. Legitimate employers will want to see your resume, work history, or work samples. They probably won’t ever meet you in person, so they need to make sure that your virtual version is capable.

If you earned a degree long before the kids came along, go back and add in those additional skills and experiences you have acquired since, including things like CPR training, leadership certificates you earned through church, or classes you helped teach through community education. They fill in gaps on your resume and show a continued interest in education.

Make a list of targeted job possibilities. These could range from anything in the following:

• Computer programmer
• App developer
• Ad copy writer
• Transcriptionist
• Ghostwriter
• Blogger
• Editor/proofreader
• Tutorial services
• And an endless list of cloud commuting possibilities

Searching for Online Work

For many parents who stay home and try to pursue additional work (this time paid), the first place they turn is the internet. While there are a host of possibilities and options, not all are legitimate, and many don’t pay nearly enough to provide you with the means to reach your goal.

Be careful. Potential employers who ask for your money in order to proceed through a hiring a process are not going to be your ticket to financial freedom. Be wary of employers who advertise “no experience necessary” and who don’t actually tell you what you are going to be asked to do. Legitimate companies and employers will want to make the most of their advertising dollar and bring in people who best fit their needs.

Think back. When I decided that I wanted to pursue working from home on a more regular, consistent basis, I went back way too many years to count and reached out to my one client I met while in college. I let him know that I was ready for editing work if he needed any completed, and asked him to spread my name and contact information if he heard of colleagues who were searching for editing services as well. This was my little nudge that got the ball rolling and the editing work trickling in, and for new clients I met through my original contact. All of this was done online, in my cloud commuting world.

Set yourself up for success. Make sure that you have the tools necessary to complete your work as efficiently as possible. One distinct difference between working in an office and working from home is that you have to create your own space that supports your goals. Make sure your computer has the programs you need, you have peripherals like printers and faxes, and your workspace is organized. You don’t want to fumble through your grocery lists and PTA forms to find the information a client needs.

Be ready to be rejected. Don’t expect to apply for a job that meets your financial and time commitment needs and be accepted on the first try. Just as you are searching for that perfect work-at-home job, so are millions of other people. In the cloud commuting world you are also competing on an international level, and your expectations for payment might not be anywhere near the going rates in other countries.

Be open to starting out small, but ready to quickly move ahead. As you compete in a global online job market community you need to be open to the possibility of taking on a lower-end job just to get your name, experience, and virtual ranking established. Don’t keep a habit of this though, or potential clients can see that you are willing to work for little and won’t be jumping up to give you more.

While there are many sites that cater to those wanting to join the ranks of cloud commuters, sometimes the best bet is to contact trustworthy employers directly. Don’t underestimate the power of networking, and keep pounding on those virtual doors. If you are stuck on getting started, try some of the following sites, but beware of scammers and low-ball job bidding.

• guru
• oDesk
• Elance
• iFreelance
• gofreelance

Related posts:

1. How to Work at Home with Teenagers in the House
2. Surviving and Thriving as the New Generation Work-at-Home Mom
3. The Wars of the Work-at-Home Mom

For me that meant treading down the path of homeschooling. While my intentions were to help my daughter, and soon the sons who followed, to learn as much as possible about life, I ended up being the one who learned invaluable lessons along the way. Homeschooling is not an easy road paved with books, quiet mornings at home learning Latin, or a sheltered life free of societal pressures. In order to homeschool well I have found 15 imperative rules that help keep this education choice working for us.

1. Love being with your kids. You will spend a good deal of time with your children, and if you find yourself thinking that 4-8 hours a day of adult conversations or interactions is what you need to be content – homeschooling is not for you.
2. Learn about your state’s laws and regulations. Many states have homeschooling groups that monitor legislative changes and can help answer questions. Some families choose to connect with the Homeschool Legal Defense Association (HSLDA), a national advocacy program for homeschoolers.
3. Follow the law. Nothing is more irritating to me than parents who know the law and don’t think it applies to them. Sure – it might be just one more form to fill out, but I consider it the least I can do when I look at the struggles that people fought just to make homeschooling legal in the United States. If you think the law in your state needs to change – do something about it. In my state our homeschool laws have become less restrictive and demanding, all due to the efforts of parents who have pushed for change within the confines of the law.
4. Be ready to say, “I don’t know” and learn along with your kids. It is better to admit that you don’t have all of the answers than to partially invest in their education. There are times when my kids, especially those in high school, ask a question I can’t fully answer with information – from science experiments to the random “Where and when was the first road built in our town?” But I do answer it by telling them what I know to be true, what I think might be the case, and what we can do to find the complete answers together.
5. Be prepared to hear the sounds your children make – all of the time. They will chatter, they will giggle, and they will just make noise. Homeschooling is not for those who cherish silence. I do own ear plugs for a reason, but those are usually on reserve for dire moments of deadlines looming.
6. Be proud of it. Children take our cues from us, and it is a great opportunity to teach others about homeschooling. There will be questions, but if you answer those with pride, especially in front of your children, you will teach your kids and those around you that homeschooling is a valid, productive choice for education. 
7. Find a support group. You will need the support group, not because homeschooling is something to overcome, but because there is strength in numbers. I couldn’t find a support group when I started, so I formed my own by placing an ad in the paper – seriously. We went from 6 families at the first meeting to more than 180 in our area. We share field trips, gym time, art classes, park days, and moms’ night out.
8. Get your partner on board. Homeschooling can be challenging enough, but if your partner has his doubts it can make your efforts even more difficult. There will be days when you struggle and having a back-up person will be essential.
9. Plan financially. Homeschooling doesn’t have to cost a fortune, but by the mere fact that one or more parents are committing to directing a child’s education, there will be time invested in the educational process that won’t be able to be invested in a career. Parents of older kids can sometimes swing work and homeschooling, but often even a part-time job is difficult to maintain while effectively homeschooling. I do work part-time from home, and it has its own benefits and drawbacks.
10. Maintain a good relationship with your school. Unless you have a crystal ball that actually works, you can’t predict the future. As much as you might want to know that you will always homeschool, you can’t predict that reality. If you storm out of the principal’s office as you pull your 7^th grader out of school to homeschool, that burned bridge might be hard to repair if your child ever wants to go back or if your life situation changes and it becomes a necessity. Maybe it will just be the fact that your child, like mine, wants to participate in school sports. Keep a good relationship so all of these options can be open without tension.
11. Don’t select a singular, expensive curriculum package your first year. Give yourself time to get to know your child’s learning styles and experiment with different pieces of curriculum. Find another mom who has the book you’re considering and see if you can borrow it for a couple of weeks to see if it is the right fit.
12. Be flexible. Your child’s learning styles, interests, abilities, and goals will evolve, and it is essential to adapt to those changes. If one science curriculum was a great fit with the first 2 children it doesn’t mean that your 3^rd will react to it the same way.
13. Find a schedule that works for you. Some families choose to follow the public school calendar so that when neighborhood friends are off for vacation their kids can run through the yards with them. Some families have a less formal plan they follow all year, while some dedicate 6 weeks on and 2 weeks off as a rotating schedule year-round. We prefer to start in the fall, have 4 planned days of lessons or activities, and use Friday as our catch-up day. The kids might work on a project, we might take a field trip, or just use the time to be a family. Schedules can depend on specific state requirements, so always make sure you check with those first.
14. Give yourselves options. People inevitably ask, “How long do you plan to homeschool?” to which we have always said “As long as it works.”  So far it has worked long enough for our oldest to start college. We never wanted our kids to look back and say, “I wish you would have let me try public school.” Parents also shouldn’t continue homeschooling if they aren’t enjoying the process, because their kids will pick up on it and the family unit will suffer.
15. Know why you are doing it. When you stay focused and you know why you are homeschooling, you keep your goals in sight. My goals are many: teach my children how to learn, show them the love of learning, allow them to be individuals who pursue their passions, help them overcome hurdles, and grow together as a family. Homeschooling is my path to reaching these individualized academic and life goals with my kids. What path are you travelling and how are you getting there?

Related posts:

1. Why I Chose to Homeschool
2. Do Your Kids Need Rules for Phones and Computers?
3. The High Court Rules: Kids Should Have Access to Violent Video Games

Toddlers and preschoolers are some of the busiest people on the planet. They want to explore, investigate, and test the edges of their knowledge of how things work. If you’re a parent of these young bundles of exploratory energy, you know how challenging it can be to get your work done while they stay engaged and content, especially without turning on the television to babysit them. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or work-at-home mom (or dad!), there are a few tricks to keep up your sleeve when it comes to TV-free activities for little ones that will let you have a few extra minutes to get things done.

Camp in the Living Room

Use extra sheets and chairs to build a tent with your kids in the living room, or invest in a nylon pop-up tent. Keep a box of kid friendly camping supplies ready that include flashlights, LED lanterns, books with wildlife pictures and stories, and some inexpensive plastic bug toys. Let the kids add pillows and a favorite stuffed animal to the mix and they are ready to camp while you get the kitchen cupboards clean, pay bills, or do some table filing.

Play Floor Games

It can be hard on rainy or cold days to entertain the kids inside, but bringing a little outside fun inside will help keep them moving and let you have a few minutes to fold laundry. Use painters’ tape to create hop scotch grids, 4-square grids, and other games on the floor. Instead of throwing rocks for hop-scotch, give the kids a milk jug lid or bean bag to toss. For 4-square, use a balloon or inflatable beach ball instead of a playground ball or basketball. For toddlers even just running two parallel lines of tape across the floor can give them a safe place to practice balance – have them skip, slither, or walk on tip-toes along the lines.

Open a Box of Treasures

When my kids were younger I always kept a box of treasures I only pulled out when absolutely necessary – guests were coming for dinner and I still had play clay stuck in my hair or the kitchen looked like something exploded in it – yesterday. I kept small toys, games, and craft supplies in the box that I would collect at thrift stores, after Christmas clearance, and from friends who were cleaning house. Sometimes I would make a game of it and let the kids have 30 seconds to choose a game, or I would select one for them. Things like a baby doll, toy motorcycle, puzzle, book of silly faces, or new jar of craft model clay can provide 15 minutes of fun for the kids and valuable Mom time. The treasures go back into the box for another day at the end of the 15 minutes.

Make a tunnel – Listen to your kid’s need to crawl and explore and make a tunnel with pillows or use one of those play tunnels designed for kids (or in our case now, dog agility). Snake the tunnel in your work space and let the kids bring their toy cars, stuffed frogs, or rubber snakes into the tunnel and race them through it with them. It keeps kids moving and takes just a few minutes put away.

Add music – If you’re trying to sweep or dust, dance around and do it to music and get your little ones hopping to the beat. It makes the chore more enjoyable for both of you!

Use a kitchen timer – If you need 10 minutes to finish a project while your son stays busy, let him know that for 10 minutes it is his time to build with blocks while you finish your project. Setting a timer will help him know that there is an end game in sight and at the end of 10 minutes your attention will be back on him. Stick with your word and make sure that after the 10 minutes you engage him in play or an activity. You can always grab another 10 minutes later – don’t try to set a timer for 60 minutes and expect him to be content.

Dump out the toy box – My little ones loved nothing more than when I would literally tip the toy box upside down and let them have at it. There were always treasures at the bottom that they couldn’t get to with their own shorter arms. The mess can be dumped back in if you don’t have time or energy to sort it, and they will likely be content to investigate whatever has been lurking and lost at the bottom.

Give them a job – While it might not sound like fun, toddlers and preschoolers are much more likely to be content if they know they have something to do. Give them the task of dusting the table, and then fashion a miniature duster from a clothespin clipped to a small square of a paper towel that they can use to dust their doll furniture.

Give them a camera – Keep an inexpensive digital camera on hand that your little ones can use to document their day. Have them take pictures of you working, their toys ready for a new game, or their cat sleeping on their bed. Just before Dad comes home, help them print the pictures and make a poster of their day.

Related posts:

1. Home Management Tips for the Busy Mom
2. Is your child overscheduled? Signs your child is too busy to be a kid.
3. Raising Your Daughter to be Superwoman

Ways to Stay Prepared for the Workplace as a Stay-at-Home Mom

Volunteer in the community.

Volunteering is a great way to stay connected with other adults and can bring you the connections you might need in the future. Businesses, both local and national, are behind many charities, so developing relationships with businesses can actually be a very natural side effect of volunteering. These relationships can introduce you to fascinating people, and be the bridges you might need for future employment.

You might be thinking – When would I have even a minute to volunteer? Look for something you can do with your kids or find a mom who is willing to swap you volunteer time each month. When I had very young kids in the house it was a great experience for us to share as a family volunteering and it gave them valuable lessons. We would visit residents in nursing homes (they love to see babies!), participate in community performances, or help at church together. Even 3 hours a month can get you into the community, and even give you experience you can add to a job résumé. Some volunteering you can even do from the comfort and space of your own home, such as giving web support, stuffing envelopes, or making a few calls.

Take up a new hobby or enjoy an old one.

As a stay-at-home mom you still need to take time for yourself, something that can be easier said than done, but is vitally important to your sanity and ability to refresh your outlook. It can also be an amazing way to stay connected for your future. One friend of mine took a cake decorating class as a fun adventure, and when her kids became older, began to teach the classes herself. She could also double as the mom who brought the best cakes for birthday parties and other activities! If you are a writer, join a writing group, even online, and spend even one hour each week or two honing your craft and connecting with others in your field. Hobbies keep our skills fresh and connect us to others with the same interests.

Don’t stay at home!

As the homeschooling, stay-at-home mother of four kids I am used to the questions from people – Do you get out of the house? In reality, I treasure the rare occasions where we do get to stay home, even for less than 24 hours! Go to places like the library, gym classes for moms and tots, and community education activities. You get to meet great families, share adventures with your kids, break up the monotony, and keep your ears and eyes open to the world around you.

Network.

There are lots of small things you can do to build your network and keep you informed and involved in your passions and your future career possibilities.

• Sign up for that college newsletter from your alma mater and read about the advancements in your field of study.
• Keep in contact with people who are in the workplace, even though you might find yourself gravitating only to other moms.
• Take a class or two through a local community college or online college.
• Offer to lead one or some of your kids’ groups. This can be a great way to meet other adults and can be a résumé booster to add leadership skills.
• Read about your interests – staying current is one of the most important things you can do and it will help keep you connected to others in the field.

The decision to stay at home with your kids is an amazing one. I made that same decision more than 12 years ago and never regretted it. I did learn along the way, however, the importance of keeping one tiny toe in the doorway of employment. I have now gone from stay-at-home mom to part-time work-at-home mom, all while homeschooling, and find myself with a future I am excited about, even after the kids fly from the nest.

Related posts:

1. Are You Ready to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom?
2. 5 Great Resources for Work-at-Home Moms
3. Is Your Child Ready to Stay Home Alone?

Whether you are a stay-at-home mom, work-at-home mom, or mom who works outside of the home, you still carry the unofficial job title of Mom. This most important job title, however, is rarely seen with the respect that is deserves when it comes to the actual workload that it includes, especially if that job title of Mom isn’t preceded by another formal title. No matter how far society has come (or gone), there simply is not a high level of honor placed on the Mom title – it is placed on Technician, Doctor, or Administrator. Anything but Mom.

Experts in wage compensation over the past decade have been looking more closely at how much a mom’s time is worth, using some of the most common tasks as a base guideline. Moms do work as doctors, nurses, office assistants, janitors, teachers, and more every day. They just don’t get paid like it. Research shows that moms, no matter if they work full time out of the home, part-time from the home, or are dedicated full-time stay-at-home moms, all work roughly 97 hours each week when everything is calculated.

You can actually use a salary wizard to calculate, based on how many hours each week you spend as an employee, a mom, and in between, doing various tasks, what your Mom Paycheck would be if you had to hire someone else to do those same jobs. While you can’t cash the check in the bank, perhaps you can cash it in your mental bank for those times of self-doubt when you might wonder how much exactly you are contributing. Better yet, print a copy and casually leave it behind on the living room table for others in the house to see!   

The Energy of Moms

What can’t be calculated easily, however, is the mental energy required of a mom who is tasked with managing children and a family. While I know there are some amazing dads out there who have in many ways taken on the traditional role of Mom, statistics still show that moms are bearing the brunt of the family responsibilities, even when they work outside of the home.

Statistics actually show that of the estimated 98,000 dads who stay at home, only 16% do so to care for children (illness or disability account for 45%, inability to find a job is 11%, and 9% because they are going to school). Compare those with more than 88% of the more than 5 million mothers who stay home doing so to primarily care for their children. So, sorry amazing dads who take on the role of caring for kids – I know you are out there, but on this one I’m just going to focus on the moms.

Moms who stay home and take on the full time job of caring for family and the home, and those who also take on the role of work-at-home mom (yes – redundant), might be faced with the challenges of proving their worth. Add to the imbalance that the tangible jobs like driving children to 3 different practices each day don’t include the unseen. Moms are often also charged with the mental components of motherhood, some of the most difficult and time consuming parts of the job.

Examples of Moms’ Mental Energy

• Planning for well-baby check-ups, high school sports physicals, and bi-yearly trips to the dentist
• Being aware of the deadlines for extracurricular sign-ups, Girl Scout cookie orders, and science fair registration
• Making sure the kids get new gym shoes, haircuts, glasses for school, and the right kinds of snacks for class parties
• Knowing how much TV time is too much, where the rest of the socks disappeared to, and when was the last time the goldfish tank was cleaned
• Remembering to purchase “just in case” trinkets and gifts for teachers, birthday parties, and coaches
• Meeting and remembering their children’s friends and their friends’ parents, where they live, and which ones have allergies to the dog or the pizza you might serve

OK – so I know that these seem frivolous and perhaps insignificant, but they represent just a minute fraction of the kinds of information that mom are expected to carry with them, remember for instant recall, and act upon. Dads can do it – they just aren’t expected by society to do it at the drop of a hat or the blink of a child’s eye. The next time you wonder if your work as a mom is worth it, pull out your fake Mom Paycheck and take a deep breath. The work is real, the challenges are definite, and the rewards are absolute. At the end of the day the reason why moms don’t get a paycheck is because their work is priceless.

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What do mothers teach their daughters about their roles as women in life? There are innumerable pressures on mothers to raise Superwomen – confident, capable, caring daughters who are loving and nurturing, yet strong and independent. When it comes to encouraging daughters in their endeavors for the future, moms might automatically push for the path they have travelled. It is imperative that daughters are taught to pursue their own dreams and explore their own options.

Studies have shown that it is not just about which path your daughter chooses, but more about her expectations for what life will be like once she gets there. It appears that the largest risk for depression for women around age 40 comes not as much from which path they chose, but about their preconceived expectations for how that path should look.

Working moms who had the preconceived notions that they would be able to be Superwomen and “do it all” were more likely to suffer from depression than mothers who had developed more realistic ideas about the balancing acts involved in motherhood and outside work. Conversely, stay at home mothers often suffered higher rates of depression than working mothers. The true key component appears to be the expectations about the life choices and the acceptance that having it all isn’t always what it is cracked up to be.

Redefining Superwoman

My mother once told me that a part of her wished that my generation didn’t have the immense pressure that it does to prove that women can do it all – careers and families – all of the time. While it might be a gift to know that the glass ceiling is lifting for women, especially mothers, it does come with a crystal weight that women wear. The weight comes from the expectations put upon them by bosses, partners, spouses, families, and themselves, to be the next supermom.

How to Teach Our Daughters to Live Balanced Lives as Women

• If you are a stay at home mom, do you teach your daughter that she shouldn’t work outside of the home?
• If you are a working mom, do you teach your daughter that her value is less if she chooses to stay home as a mother?
• If you are a work-at-home mom do you worry that your daughter will be confused in her future roles and abilities?

Daughters often look to their mothers as their sources for imagining their own futures. It is important that we set realistic expectations for them and provide them with the emotional skills to handle whichever paths they choose.

Allow for your daughter to do something different. Let her know that she can choose differently from you – she can stay home, work, or combine the two. Teach her what you can about your path, and introduce her to other women on different paths to expose her to various experiences, trials, and challenges that women face.

Make sure you always set a tone that is respectful of women from all backgrounds. Several years ago a young boy asked me what my job was (his mom is a divorced parent who works full-time outside of the home). I told him that I stay home with my children, homeschool them, and work part-time at home writing and editing from my computer. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “That’s not a real job. That must be easy.” His mother, who was standing by, said nothing to correct his idea, which was more disappointing that his own words. Make sure you acknowledge the sacrifices, struggles, and triumphs that woman make.

Remember that your daughter is an entirely unique human being, and her individual experiences will shape her decisions. Maybe she will be an entrepreneur and open her own business at age 21, perhaps her husband will stay home with the kids, or maybe she won’t ever have children. Make sure that your attitudes and personal choices allow her to grow up to be the woman she wants and needs to be. Be careful not to confuse the reasons why you made a certain choice with reasons why she should make a certain choice.

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Parenting in itself is an everyday test of courage, creativity and patience. But being a SAHM has unique challenges that not everyone will get. Sometimes, not even the husband.

First, there is the lack of funds.

Aside from having to make do with one income and stretching it to accommodate a growing family, there is that sad fact that you will think twice about getting that massage or buying that nice pair of shoes. The massage money could buy more food treats for the family and you’re not really going anywhere nice to wear the nice shoes to. Plus, where do you get money to buy your husband a gift? From him?

What works: Agree early in the relationship how money will be spent and always allocate some, however little, for your own needs and some of your wants. It may not be practical to get a mani and pedi but the cost to the family of a depressed mother is higher. Be resourceful about finding good bargains so you can save more money. And consider things you can do to generate some income, even if it’s only selling things you’re going to throw out anyway on Ebay.

Then, there’s the low self-esteem from not earning and lack of titles.

We don’t really have grand titles. Even if we say we’re Operations Manager of Arevalo Industries, our rewards will still generally be intangible ones that not many can appreciate. Tied to this is the limited purchasing power. I think most SAHMs get depressed about this at least once a month. We’re only human enough to get jealous of friends getting promoted, awarded and paid ridiculously high especially if we know that we’re smarter than said friend.

What works: It’s hard work but SAHMs really have to submit to a paradigm shift where they learn to put value in other things. While other moms are rushing to finish presentations, we dawdle in bed, waking up to kisses from our tot. While other moms are making sales pitches, we get our child excited over vegetables. Celebrate milestones only you and your family can appreciate and you will remember better why you made the sacrifice.

And what of adult company?

Adult company and conversations were something I really, really missed when I first became a SAHM, especially since it took my child a year before he started talking. SAHMs do not stop being social animals just because they quit their job and having to stay at home all the time may grate on one’s nerves.

What works: Have regular date nights with the husband. And by all means, keep meeting with friends. If you can’t relate with them anymore, find other parents, especially mothers like you. Go on play dates, do volunteer work or take up short courses. You can also go online for adult conversations, even if it’s only exchanging bubble solution recipes.

And you do feel redundant.

It’s not that there aren’t enough challenges in a day for SAHMs but the routines and the same environment and company can make anyone feel redundant. You get scared that you will not be able to contribute to conversations anymore and that your brain will somehow lose connections because you’re not doing complex mathematical equations.

What works: Keep reading, not just for leisure but to be educated as well. Go back to University or pursue higher learning by getting a Master’s Degree. Take up a new hobby or pursue other passions. Keep abreast of the news and what’s new. Consider working from home as well. And learn along with your child because you will always learn something new. For instance, I can now name dinosaurs for each letter of the alphabet. Can you?

And everybody takes you for granted, even you!

Neighbors ask you for favors. Your children keep forgetting things which you then bring to them.  The PTA delegates all the organizing to you. Your husband stops doing chores around the house. What’s worse, when you delegate storytelling time to him, he tells you he’s tired from working all day. He also insists on weekends off and nights out with the boys. And your mother assumes you can also accompany her to wherever because you don’t work. And you start feeling guilty about wanting to cuddle up with a good book when there are so many other things to be done. Makes you wonder why not enough SAHMs aren’t in asylums, yes?

What works: Delegation of work and duties as well as expectation setting is a must for the setup to work. Husbands have to appreciate that you also work and therefore need to rest as well, or have your own ME time. Husbands also have to know that they do not stop being parents to your kids so activities with them have to be fairly divided as well. Fairly divided meaning, he will be unable to drive them to and fro during the day but he can take over bath and story time at night. Children also have to be taught that as members of the family, they have to contribute to the chores, either by helping clean up or by not adding to the messes. Make house rules your friend. And don’t feel guilty about putting age-appropriate responsibilities on your children’s shoulders. They will thank you when they grow up and you will not go insane. Also, learn to say NO to other people’s chores. Keep in mind that you stayed home to be a better parent to your growing kids, not to be the community’s errand girl. And if they keep on asking, bring up the possibility of getting paid. After all, time spent for them is time away from your kids and your chores.

Being a SAHM is not for every woman nor is a single-income setup not for every family. But if the decision was made with clear goals in mind and communication between everyone involved is kept open, cooperation  is easier to come by and rewards of such a setup are more readily enjoyed.

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Being a housewife is the most exasperating job in the world because the job is never done, and the results seem to last for a mere second, if that.

After seven years of being a stay-at-home mom of two kids, I think I’ve figured out some ways to keep my sanity when it comes to housework.  These are six small ways that I use to keep myself happy when it comes to the appearance of my house.

Close and Push

It’s such a simple thing and can easily be overlooked, but it makes a world of difference – Close all closet doors, keep kitchen cabinets closed, close the doors to the entertainment when not in use, push in all table chairs, piano benches, etc.  This little step keeps me from feeling overwhelmed by the clutter in my house and helps me to focus on the other tasks yet to be accomplished.

Pick one thing in each room that must be done daily

In my house, all beds in the bedrooms must be made, dirty dishes must be in the dishwasher in the kitchen, everything must be off the floor in the family room, and all bathroom counters need to be clutter-free.

Choose your cleaning schedule and stick to it

I still remember coming home from school on Mondays and smelling Murphy’s home oil all throughout the house.  Mondays, all day, were my mom’s cleaning day and she scrubbed the house from floor to ceiling.  That cleaning schedule worked for her, but it wouldn’t work for me.  I need to clean daily, a little bit at a time.

This is my cleaning process:  The Kitchen must be cleaned.  If that’s clean, I move to the family room .  Once that’s done, I do bathrooms, then bedrooms, and lastly the basement.  Often the basement doesn’t get touched for weeks, but I’m okay with that because that’s the rule I set for myself and I’m keeping it.

Set your hours

I believe what makes a mother’s job so hard is that it’s never-ending.  A couple years ago I realized I would go insane if I allowed myself to work around the clock, so I gave myself my own working hours:  I work from the moment my kids get up until dinnertime.  (Essentially, when my husband is working, I’m working.  When he’s off, I’m off – And weekends count too!!)  Now, I don’t like going to bed with a messy house, but I have to allow myself to stop and breathe and enjoy activities of my own.

De-clutter

Let’s face it – We all have too much junk.  A clean, sanitized house with too much “stuff” doesn’t look clean at all.  Everyone feels much more comfortable in a neat and orderly home – especially those living there 24/7.  Do yourself a huge favor and go the library and take out a book on de-cluttering your life (trust me, there are dozens of them), and start packin’ away for a more simplified life.

Everyone in the family needs to know it’s all a balancing act

I get a little miffed at my husband when he’ll make comments about the cleanliness of the house (and by that, I mean lack of it).  But I certainly don’t think he would have preferred for me to do the breakfast dishes this morning, rather than snuggle in bed with him – And neither would I.  I’m grateful that I can look beyond the mess to enjoy the more beautiful things in life.

Because housework is like “threading beads on a string with no knot” and not lasting, maybe we should pay more attention to the things that do last, like our family and friends.

What are your tips for keeping your sanity when it comes to housework?

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