Home management for me is a constant learning process.  I have to continuously update my “system” and I am always experimenting with new ways of doing things.  But, here are a few tried and true tips that have helped our family survive the chaos:

Keep a stocked diaper bag/snack bin/backpack

I like to keep the supplies ready to go so that we are ready to run out the door.  I always keep diapers and wipes in the car, but I also have a bin of portable snacks that I can grab on the way out (cereal bars, goldfish, crackers, etc).

I also keep other bags ready as well.  My son’s backpack gets emptied and restocked immediately after school.  Sports bags are reloaded with clean uniforms as soon as the laundry is done.

Build in cushion time

I just assume that something is going to slow me down when we are trying to get somewhere.  The dog will need to go out.  The toddler will lose a shoe.  The kindergartener will get distracted finding his socks.  I usually give myself an extra 10 minutes to allow for these unexpected, but common, delays.

Clean up problem areas daily

There’s always one place in a house where piles accumulate.  For us, it’s the kitchen island.  It always has random toys, paperwork, mail, etc.  If I let it fester, the pile gets out of control.  So every day I clear it off.  I hate doing it, but it’s better to deal with problem areas before they become giant projects.

Have stations for common items

Designate a place for mail, shoes, keys, backpacks, school supplies, and so forth.  These are the types of things that both make messes and get lost.  We have a wall cubby for keys and wallets, a basket for shoes and bags in the closet, a wall sorter for mail by the back door, and a pencil case for school supplies in the pantry (since the kids like to draw in the kitchen).  These are all things that get used daily, and it’s helpful to keep track of them.

Make sure your system works for you

There are all sorts of home management systems out there, but they will inevitably fail if they aren’t tailored to your personality.  For instance, a lot of people recommend a monthly menu.  That is wonderful solution for many folks, but it doesn’t work for me.  I don’t like planning ahead that much, and I prefer frequent, smaller grocery trips.  I might feel like pasta one night, and grilling the next.  I might hear the local strawberries are in and so a trip to the farmer’s market is in order.  So, when I shop, I usually buy enough for 3-4 dinners.   I’ll also buy some non- or semi-perishables that will get me through an additional 2-3 meals (canned beans for soup, for instance, or meat that I can freeze).   This is what works for our family, but it’s not ideal for everyone.

An organized household won’t happen automatically, but it’s not hard to pick a few areas to streamline.   Our household is definitely a work in progress, but at least I know I can usually find my keys!

Related posts:

1. Are All Stay At Home Mom’s Equal?
2. Coping with the Challenges of a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM)
3. Bringing Your Baby Home – Tips to Make the First Days Easier

1.    Routines. Organized moms serve dinner at the same time each night, have strict bed times, have after school routines with homework and socializing. If you want to be an organized mom, you have to have a routine you stick to. This might mean that you get your child up at the same time each day, and expect them to get dressed and make their bed before they come in to breakfast. You may have a few different routines, such as your morning routine, your after school and evening routine, and your weekend routine. A routine helps you, the mom, keep things on track, and helps your children to know what to expect, and what is expected of them.

2.    Meal plans. Organized moms do not spend extra time in the grocery store, or standing in front of the refrigerator trying to determine what to prepare that night. Organized moms take a few minutes once a week to create a meal plan for the week. Monday: Soup, Tuesday: Chicken, Wednesday: Pizza, Thursday: Hamburgers, and the list goes on. The idea is that if you know what you are going to make you can be prepared throughout the day. For example, if you are going to roast a chicken for dinner, you will need to get it out of the freezer in the morning in order for it to be defrosted by dinner time.

3.    Rules. Organized moms have rules or guidelines for their families. They may be simple like dinner is at 5:30. Or they may be more complex like, no friends, television, or snacking until your homework is completed. A mom can’t keep the whole family organized without some participation, so rules, and guidelines are helpful. Make them clear, and enforce them.

4.    Time off. An organized mom does not let herself get overly stressed, or overwhelmed because she knows when to say no, when to de-stress, and when to take a break. She knows that when she is starting to lose her cool, that letting dad take the kids to McDonald’s rather than fixing a nice meal, is sometimes better, even if it is not the healthiest option. The organized mom knows when she needs a break, and figures out how to take one.

5.    Organized home. The organized mom has an organized home. She creates a place for everything so that school mornings are not spent hastily trying to find shoes, backpacks, pens that work, etc. Instead, everything has a place, and the kids know where things go, and contribute by being sure to put their backpack on the hook, in the cubby, or whatever the case may be, the night before.

6.    Back-up plans. Organized moms always plan ahead, and prepare for the worst. They carry a spare outfit, some cash, and phone numbers of friends and family, just in case. They take things in stride. So, for example, if your tire goes flat while driving, and it is your day to do carpool, the organized mom has the numbers of the other carpool moms on hand, and knows which ones can typically swap days. So, have a back up plan.

No related posts.

I will leave the sordid tale of my pregnancy and against-the-odds struggle as a teen mom for another post. That’s not what I want to talk about today.

You know, there are a lot of resources and supports out there for pregnant teenagers, and for teen parents of babies and toddlers. When I first had my daughter and was struggling to finish high school, I was very active in the Young Parent Resource Centre in my community. It was a fantastic time for me – a free, non-judgemental place where I could learn to be a mom by accessing counseling services, support, advocacy and referral, parenting workshops and emergency supplies. It was a place I could be with other young women who were going through the same things I was – a rarity when the rest of my “mainstream” friends were shopping at the mall and going to prom.

But then, I graduated high school. Suddenly the title at risk youth was stripped from me. Then, I turned twenty. Even though I was a college student and had a five-year-old in tow, doors started slamming shut in my face. You’re too old – you’re not a teen mom anymore is what I was told over and over.

But wait! I thought. I still need help! I’m the only one in the audience at my daughter’s school play with purple hair and an eyebrow ring! All the “right age” moms look down their noses at me! I can’t get my daughter’s teachers to take me seriously! My student loan money isn’t enough to pay for daycare, so I’m worried I’ll have to drop out of college!

But no. There was no assistance for me then, and can I tell you a secret? There isn’t much out there for me now.

So this post is intended to provide practical, realistic advice to teen moms over the age of twenty – parents who have already tackled the early years and now have to get down to the dirty, thankless task of raising their kids just like everyone else.

I know it’s hard to see beyond the “firsts” when you’re a teen mom. Your friends might throw you a shower. You’re going to go into labor and have a baby. The baby will be cute and you can handle waking up at night, changing diapers, and the occasional case of croup. Then the baby will start to walk and talk, how fun! If you get a job or finish school, you’ll have to sort out a daycare situation. Dad may or not be around. Sometimes your parents will babysit so you can do “normal teenage stuff” like go to the movies or a school dance. Solid foods? Upload the pics to Facebook! Potty training? Piece of cake!

Then, somewhere in the distant, foggy future, is the unknown. Hypothetically you assume that your child will grow up, you’ll get a job, and life will carry on for you like it does for everyone else, but it will be hard to visualize because right now it’s all about baby! But here’s what those years will look like, and what you can do about it:

First and foremost, don’t drop out of high school! If you have, go get your GED! I know that this bit of advice is something you’ve heard before, but I’m going to give it to you straight: Someday, your seventh grader is going to need help with math and you’re probably the one who’ll have to do it. Be smart for your kid’s sake. School teachers aren’t the only teachers your kids will ever have. Someday your daughter will be fourteen and will want brand-name clothing and Manic Panic hair dye and money for concert tickets. Will you be able to afford all that on a McDonald’s salary? No. As a teen parent, you have a lot to prove, first and foremost that you can provide as good a life for your child as anyone else, and I promise that you CANNOT do this if you’re a high school dropout.

Okay, so: someday, your child will be eight years old and maybe not so cute anymore. Lovable yes, but ootchie-gootchie-goo adorable? No. This kid refuses to clean his room, snoops through your stuff, stays up after lights out playing Nintendo DS under the covers, pulls the dog’s tail, sasses his teacher and behaves atrociously in front of company. You can’t attribute his misbehavior to him being a baby and not knowing any better: now people are looking at you and judging your parenting skills based on your child’s behaviour. So it’s important to raise your kid right. Be firm but fair. Don’t let the TV (or Grandma) raise your child while you’re out partying. Lead by example. BE THERE. It’s a thankless job but you and your child will be better off for it.

Take care of your finances. I’m almost thirty years old and I don’t even have a credit card because I screwed up my finances early in life. Don’t be that guy! Save money, invest in RESP’s for your kids, clip coupons, don’t succumb to retail therapy. Kids are expensive when they’re little, but they’re REALLY expensive when they’re older and need sporting equipment, summer camp fees, school trip contributions, Girl Guide uniforms, iPhones and Ugg boots. For more on this, please see above for information on GETTING YOUR HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA!

In addition to finishing your education, keep your French and your math skills brushed up because when your kid comes to you for homework help, you’re going to feel really stupid if you don’t know what to do.

One word I cannot stress enough: stable. STABLE. That’s what your home and your life need to be. No drama. No crazy insanity. If you want your child to grow into a successful, healthy adult, he or she needs to know what to expect, from who will be in their house after school to what’s for dinner to what will happen if they act like a jerk.

The temper tantrums don’t stop when your child turns three years old. In fact, they will get worse. What’s worse than a toddler screaming in anger because you took away their markers? A thirteen-year-old screaming in rage because you grounded her for skipping class. It’ll happen. All those times you insisted that you were gonna do it differently, that you wouldn’t turn into your mom? Dream on. Putting your foot down will continue to be necessary until the day your child leaves home, otherwise you run the risk of raising not only a snot-nosed jerk with entitlement issues, but one who isn’t equipped to handle the very real, very scary curve balls life will throw at her.

Accept that raising a child as a teenager puts limits on your freedom and your social life, and continuing to raise that child as an adult will also limit your freedom.

Put love on the backburner. Sorry, sad but true. Your child is your priority, and as she gets older she will just gobble up more of your time and energy. Trying to satisfy your own needs (hubba hubba) and diminish your own loneliness with someone who’s not in it for the long haul will take time away from your child that SHE needs.

HOWEVER! That doesn’t mean you’ll be alone forever. I just want to stress that wasting time and energy on someone who’s not in it to win it is just that – a waste. When the right man comes along (and for me, he came along when I was twenty-one and my daughter was six) all those puzzle pieces will fall into place. The RIGHT man will not see your child as unwanted luggage to be dropped off at the sitter’s. The RIGHT man will be cool with your third grader coming along on your first date. The RIGHT man will let you be the boss but will quietly and firmly back you up. The RIGHT man is one whose morals, ethics, ideas and actions are good enough subject your child to.

If the RIGHT man also happens to be your child’s father, well aren’t you lucky! If it doesn’t happen that way, don’t despair. You are strong, smart and successful! You can do this on your own!

I want you to do me a favour. All those ideas you have about being more open minded, more lax, more understanding than your parents? All those teenage pledges to your baby that  you won’t get all up in their business, that you’ll let them do as they please, that you won’t be that guy? Toss ‘em. Be a parent, not a friend. What, you want to raise a juvenile delinquent? You really think that people who grow up in dirty party houses with no rules become productive members of society? That by respecting your daughter’s privacy, she’ll be more likely to be open and confiding in you? Don’t make me laugh. By the time your child is a teen you will no longer be the young mom that succeeded against all odds. You’ll just be another lame parent like all the rest.

Make your child get a job. Teach her the value of a dollar. Make him open doors for elderly people and give up his seat on the train to pregnant women. Teach her about charity. Show him how to calculate retail sales tax so he never has to ask, “how much is that with the tax?” Don’t give in to the if I just let it go there will be no fight and everyone will be happier mindset. Sometimes things’ll suck, it’s a fact.

Teach your child to wash dishes properly and do his own laundry, even if he complains that you’re the biggest jerk in the universe. Put your daughter on the pill, but DON’T let her think that’s the only protection she needs. Show him how to prepare his favorite meals – he’ll learn the rest eventually. Teach your child to wear her heart on her sleeve.

Raising a teenager in today’s society is difficult for everyone, but even more so for parents who never had the chance to be normal teenagers themselves. If a parent is careful and diligent about it, though, it is possible to master the delicate balance between being firm, being stable, being supportive and being cool.

Because I’m cool – aren’t you?

Related posts:

1. How to Tell If Your Teen is Depressed
2. Setting Boundaries for Your Text-Obsessed Teen
3. Parenting at the Playground

Parenting in itself is an everyday test of courage, creativity and patience. But being a SAHM has unique challenges that not everyone will get. Sometimes, not even the husband.

First, there is the lack of funds.

Aside from having to make do with one income and stretching it to accommodate a growing family, there is that sad fact that you will think twice about getting that massage or buying that nice pair of shoes. The massage money could buy more food treats for the family and you’re not really going anywhere nice to wear the nice shoes to. Plus, where do you get money to buy your husband a gift? From him?

What works: Agree early in the relationship how money will be spent and always allocate some, however little, for your own needs and some of your wants. It may not be practical to get a mani and pedi but the cost to the family of a depressed mother is higher. Be resourceful about finding good bargains so you can save more money. And consider things you can do to generate some income, even if it’s only selling things you’re going to throw out anyway on Ebay.

Then, there’s the low self-esteem from not earning and lack of titles.

We don’t really have grand titles. Even if we say we’re Operations Manager of Arevalo Industries, our rewards will still generally be intangible ones that not many can appreciate. Tied to this is the limited purchasing power. I think most SAHMs get depressed about this at least once a month. We’re only human enough to get jealous of friends getting promoted, awarded and paid ridiculously high especially if we know that we’re smarter than said friend.

What works: It’s hard work but SAHMs really have to submit to a paradigm shift where they learn to put value in other things. While other moms are rushing to finish presentations, we dawdle in bed, waking up to kisses from our tot. While other moms are making sales pitches, we get our child excited over vegetables. Celebrate milestones only you and your family can appreciate and you will remember better why you made the sacrifice.

And what of adult company?

Adult company and conversations were something I really, really missed when I first became a SAHM, especially since it took my child a year before he started talking. SAHMs do not stop being social animals just because they quit their job and having to stay at home all the time may grate on one’s nerves.

What works: Have regular date nights with the husband. And by all means, keep meeting with friends. If you can’t relate with them anymore, find other parents, especially mothers like you. Go on play dates, do volunteer work or take up short courses. You can also go online for adult conversations, even if it’s only exchanging bubble solution recipes.

And you do feel redundant.

It’s not that there aren’t enough challenges in a day for SAHMs but the routines and the same environment and company can make anyone feel redundant. You get scared that you will not be able to contribute to conversations anymore and that your brain will somehow lose connections because you’re not doing complex mathematical equations.

What works: Keep reading, not just for leisure but to be educated as well. Go back to University or pursue higher learning by getting a Master’s Degree. Take up a new hobby or pursue other passions. Keep abreast of the news and what’s new. Consider working from home as well. And learn along with your child because you will always learn something new. For instance, I can now name dinosaurs for each letter of the alphabet. Can you?

And everybody takes you for granted, even you!

Neighbors ask you for favors. Your children keep forgetting things which you then bring to them.  The PTA delegates all the organizing to you. Your husband stops doing chores around the house. What’s worse, when you delegate storytelling time to him, he tells you he’s tired from working all day. He also insists on weekends off and nights out with the boys. And your mother assumes you can also accompany her to wherever because you don’t work. And you start feeling guilty about wanting to cuddle up with a good book when there are so many other things to be done. Makes you wonder why not enough SAHMs aren’t in asylums, yes?

What works: Delegation of work and duties as well as expectation setting is a must for the setup to work. Husbands have to appreciate that you also work and therefore need to rest as well, or have your own ME time. Husbands also have to know that they do not stop being parents to your kids so activities with them have to be fairly divided as well. Fairly divided meaning, he will be unable to drive them to and fro during the day but he can take over bath and story time at night. Children also have to be taught that as members of the family, they have to contribute to the chores, either by helping clean up or by not adding to the messes. Make house rules your friend. And don’t feel guilty about putting age-appropriate responsibilities on your children’s shoulders. They will thank you when they grow up and you will not go insane. Also, learn to say NO to other people’s chores. Keep in mind that you stayed home to be a better parent to your growing kids, not to be the community’s errand girl. And if they keep on asking, bring up the possibility of getting paid. After all, time spent for them is time away from your kids and your chores.

Being a SAHM is not for every woman nor is a single-income setup not for every family. But if the decision was made with clear goals in mind and communication between everyone involved is kept open, cooperation  is easier to come by and rewards of such a setup are more readily enjoyed.

Related posts:

1. Are All Stay At Home Mom’s Equal?
2. Home Management Tips for the Busy Mom
3. Challenges of Being a Working Mom

It’s Up to the Single Parent

It can be a lot of pressure, but for example, if your child wakes up in the middle of the night, you are responsible for their well-being. There isn’t another person to assist you if are sick or tired. This at times can be very nerve-racking, and I know personally in the beginning I went through bouts of anxiety. Although support was available in the daylight hours, at two o’clock in the morning, I was on my own.

It’s Expensive

This is true for all of us, and again certain variables play a part when it comes to expenses. Everything costs money, especially, when the word “baby” is printed across it. Single, together, divorced whatever, it is expensive and most definitely a challenge.

Work Balance

Being a working mom is very challenging, and I addressed this topic specifically in Challenges of Being a Working Mom. Being a single working mom poses specific challenges because again, it can be difficult without the help of a mate. When Max is sick, I don’t have any choice, but to leave work. The village may be available, but they all work as well, so at times they can’t assist.

Stress Relief

Handling the stress and pressure can really take its toll. Now that Max is older and sleeping through the night, things have fortunately gotten easier. I’ve found the following to be helpful tactics in relieving the anxiety that builds up as a single parent:

• Communicate
  Talk with other moms about the ups and downs of being a parent.  Knowing that you’re not the only one facing challenges as a parent can help reassure you and build up your own confidence.
• Visit a Therapist
  Visiting a therapist helps because getting an objective opinion from someone who doesn’t have any emotional investments in you can be helpful. Learning the mechanics of how the brain works in times of anxiety really made me see that I am human.
• Take a “Night Off”
  If you are comfortable letting your child sleep over at a relative’s house, take a night off.  Max enjoys sleepovers with his aunt, and I finally am feeling okay without him around for a night.  An occasional break like this can let you recharge your batteries.
• Find an indulgence
  I prefer late night bubble baths. I find that it is so important to have a bit of time for myself even if it is only fifteen minutes.

It is a challenge, and I look forward to reading your challenges as a parent!

Related posts:

1. Challenges of Being a Working Mom
2. Coping with the Challenges of a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM)
3. Surviving Bed Rest

Being a housewife is the most exasperating job in the world because the job is never done, and the results seem to last for a mere second, if that.

After seven years of being a stay-at-home mom of two kids, I think I’ve figured out some ways to keep my sanity when it comes to housework.  These are six small ways that I use to keep myself happy when it comes to the appearance of my house.

Close and Push

It’s such a simple thing and can easily be overlooked, but it makes a world of difference – Close all closet doors, keep kitchen cabinets closed, close the doors to the entertainment when not in use, push in all table chairs, piano benches, etc.  This little step keeps me from feeling overwhelmed by the clutter in my house and helps me to focus on the other tasks yet to be accomplished.

Pick one thing in each room that must be done daily

In my house, all beds in the bedrooms must be made, dirty dishes must be in the dishwasher in the kitchen, everything must be off the floor in the family room, and all bathroom counters need to be clutter-free.

Choose your cleaning schedule and stick to it

I still remember coming home from school on Mondays and smelling Murphy’s home oil all throughout the house.  Mondays, all day, were my mom’s cleaning day and she scrubbed the house from floor to ceiling.  That cleaning schedule worked for her, but it wouldn’t work for me.  I need to clean daily, a little bit at a time.

This is my cleaning process:  The Kitchen must be cleaned.  If that’s clean, I move to the family room .  Once that’s done, I do bathrooms, then bedrooms, and lastly the basement.  Often the basement doesn’t get touched for weeks, but I’m okay with that because that’s the rule I set for myself and I’m keeping it.

Set your hours

I believe what makes a mother’s job so hard is that it’s never-ending.  A couple years ago I realized I would go insane if I allowed myself to work around the clock, so I gave myself my own working hours:  I work from the moment my kids get up until dinnertime.  (Essentially, when my husband is working, I’m working.  When he’s off, I’m off – And weekends count too!!)  Now, I don’t like going to bed with a messy house, but I have to allow myself to stop and breathe and enjoy activities of my own.

De-clutter

Let’s face it – We all have too much junk.  A clean, sanitized house with too much “stuff” doesn’t look clean at all.  Everyone feels much more comfortable in a neat and orderly home – especially those living there 24/7.  Do yourself a huge favor and go the library and take out a book on de-cluttering your life (trust me, there are dozens of them), and start packin’ away for a more simplified life.

Everyone in the family needs to know it’s all a balancing act

I get a little miffed at my husband when he’ll make comments about the cleanliness of the house (and by that, I mean lack of it).  But I certainly don’t think he would have preferred for me to do the breakfast dishes this morning, rather than snuggle in bed with him – And neither would I.  I’m grateful that I can look beyond the mess to enjoy the more beautiful things in life.

Because housework is like “threading beads on a string with no knot” and not lasting, maybe we should pay more attention to the things that do last, like our family and friends.

What are your tips for keeping your sanity when it comes to housework?

No related posts.

• You aren’t doing a good job
• She doesn’t deal with her son that way
• Would my mother do it like this?
• What does everything think if I raise my voice?
• What if I lose control?

These are just some of the things I hear in my head when I have doubts about being a mother. I feel inadequate at times, and the mental stress I cause myself can really be negative. I know that these feelings will never go away as a parent, but there are some things you can do to tone down the harsh verbal attack on yourself.

Personally, I have made a list of things to say to myself when the attack begins. I wrote them down at one point, but now I have them memorized. Some of these comfort sentences are:

• You are new at this, and so is Max
• It is a learning process that didn’t come with a manual entitled “How to Be a Mother”
• Women have been mothers since the beginning of time, and you aren’t alone in this challenge
• You rock!

Although this is very helpful, you may find yourself reaching a point where you can’t get your emotions in check. Interesting, this is much like when our kids go into tantrum mode! If I get to this point, I call for help. I am a single mother, so I don’t have a mate to call on. In my case, I usually call one of my sisters. It is so helpful when one or all three comes to the rescue.

For example, just having one of my sisters come over and give Max a bath, so I can mop the kitchen floor in thought. Cleaning happens to be a very therapeutic task for me, and I find that I am able to gain composure giving the base boards a good scrub.

It is really being comfortable in knowing that you are going to make mistakes, and sometimes you are going to do things that other people don’t agree with. I offer no remedy to harsh criticism, for I struggle with feeling inadequate a lot, but coming up with a plan to prevent a full-blown adult tantrum is a great way to take care of yourself.

I look forward to hearing your methods of fighting inadequate feelings!

Related posts:

1. Dealing with a Difficult Pregnancy
2. How to Choose a Baby Name (That Your Mother-In-Law Won’t Hate)
3. Enhancing Mother-Baby Communication through Sign Language

Now, I am the woman who takes care of the kid and works a full time job. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change it for anything, but my past naivety makes me giggle. The truth is, taking care of children is a full time job, and when you add a career into the mix, let’s face it, exhaustion is the only way to describe the situation.

Of course, I couldn’t possibly cover every scenario, but here are the two challenges I commonly face, and some personal solutions that work for me at the present time. (As you know, it may change tomorrow as my son Max likes to keep me on my toes.)

Stay Organized to Stay Ahead
My intent isn’t to insult anyone with such an elementary suggestion, but when I get stressed, I forget to step back and get organized. Then as you know, the stress keeps piling on, and a complete tear-streaming episode happens in the middle of the kitchen floor with dinner bubbling over and Max shifting through the trash can for his next treasure. For example:

To make mornings easier, I get Max’s clothes, diaper bag and lunch ready for preschool the night before. No matter how tired I am, this is a promise that I keep to avoid pressure in the morning.

I cook dinner the night before. I enjoy cooking, so not only is this a way to stay organized and ahead of the game, it is a relaxing task after Max goes to bed.

Accept that Things May Not Go As Planned
I still have a hard time with this one especially being that Max is 15 months-old. His mood changes in a second. So, I keep in mind:

Max is a little human being that has feelings just like me, and worse for him, he can’t communicate as well. He gets frustrated just as I do, and a time out for the both of us is beneficial.

I am a single mom, who is working full time by choice, but I have to ask for help sometimes.

Interaction with Max, reading a book, playing or tickling is the best stress-relief and reminds me that he is truly the reason why I work so hard.

So what do you think? What are some challenges you deal with as a working mom? I look forward to your comments!

Related posts:

1. Surviving the Challenges of Being a Single Mom
2. Coping with the Challenges of a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM)
3. Home Management Tips for the Busy Mom