College can be challenging enough for dedicated students, but attending college as a new mom adds a whole new twist to this academic venture. I hadn’t finished college before my first child was born, but I knew I wanted to complete my degree as soon as possible. Knowing what I wanted to do and finding the resources to accomplish that goal were at times oceans apart from each other.

For close to the first two years of my daughter’s life I was a college student. She sometimes attended classes with me, had her own backpack with toys and books, and was my faithful companion during late-night study sessions. Being a mom and a college student is not an easy task, but if you are committed to both of them, you can be successful at both. I actually found that non-traditional students like myself tended to be more responsible, reliable, and focused at college – we had to be. If you are considering going to college or going back to college as a parent, consider the following ideas that helped me get the degree I wanted (and am still glad I have).

Pick a Program

Make sure that the program you select to pursue is your passion. This advice is for anyone – but parents who go to college most likely don’t have the time or funds for “do overs”. If you are certain you want a college degree, make sure it is something you love and think the job market will reward you for in the near future.

When I first began college I wanted to be a social worker. However, as a new mom I also quickly learned the emotional toll that would take on me, especially understanding my own personality. I also knew that I wanted a degree that would enable me to have job flexibility and utilize my skills and passions. I had also watched friends flounder and eventually leave school because they didn’t have a specific passion or goal they were pursuing. When I reassessed my college goals I asked myself the following questions.

• Will this degree enable me to have employment without further training?
• If something happens to my partner will I be able to use this degree to support my child?
• Will this degree compliment me as a person (and as a mom)?
• Can I afford to go to school full-time and still be an involved mom, both financially and emotionally?
• How will my life be better because of this degree?
• How will my life be more challenging because of college?
• How will my child’s life be different because I am attending college?

Create a College Time Budget

If you think about your time like you think about your finances, you can budget the hours in your day and be less likely to fall into time debt – when you simply don’t have enough hours in the day to be a parent and student.

Consider your class schedule so that you account for 4 basic factors:

1. In-class time
2. Childcare time
3. Home time
4. Homework time

Some semesters I took night-classes 4 evenings each week so that my husband was home with our daughter. I did homework during her naptime as much as I could. Other semesters when this was not possible, I arranged my class schedules so that there were as few hours as possible spent on campus, and the extra hours in between classes were my study breaks. Then when I came home my attention was back on my family.

Consider Online Options Carefully

Way back in the day when I was attending college online classes were not prevalent and not even yet offered in my field. Today they offer many options, but you still need to consider several points.

Make certain that the online classes are from an accredited and recognized university.

If you are looking to supplement with online classes make sure that the credits earned will go toward your on-campus credits.

Don’t assume that college at home as a parent will be infinitely easier than taking on-campus classes. You still need to devote time to classes and homework, and just like being a work-at-home mom, it isn’t always as easy to carve away that time when you don’t physically leave the house.

Make a Homework Plan

My first semester of college as a mom was so much more difficult because I didn’t have a doable plan (unless you consider just waiting until my daughter fell asleep on my shoulder and studying while she slumbered in my arms).

Use in-between hours for homework – those times when you have breaks between classes are valuable minutes that you are already away from home and mom duties.

Consider paying a babysitter for 5 hours each week for homework time. I know the finances can be an issue, but in the long-run you will save your sanity and your grades.

Get creative with what you can do as a mom and student. I would bring my daughter to the library and spend the first half-hour reading and exploring with her, then as she tired put her in a baby-pack and do my own searching.

Host study groups. Toward the end of my college career I had to work on several group projects that required hours of outside collaboration. I invited classmates over and provided an easy meal and we did the studying at my home – allowing me to still participate as a student and as a mom.

Find Flexible Childcare

No matter how creatively you arrange your class schedules, there will most likely be times when you have to find childcare for school responsibilities – either classes, meetings, or finals. Formal daycare settings are not only expensive, but they rarely have the flexibility you need. I was extremely blessed to find a neighbor and friend who could watch my daughter when I had classes.

• Find a neighbor with whom you and your child are already comfortable and ask if they are interested in babysitting occasionally.
• Ask a stay-at-home mom. It can provide her with extra income without being a full-time commitment.
• Check with your college. Many of them have childcare programs for students.

Look for Scholarships

Attending college as a non-trad (non-traditional student) puts you apart from the rest. Look for scholarships where the goal is to support non-trads. Search for organizations like these that are specifically focused on providing funding to moms and single parents.

Is attending college while being a new mom easy? No. Was it the right choice for me? Absolutely. I earned the degree (Technical Writing/Computer Science) that supports my passion and now my ability to be a work-at-home mom. Just make sure the decision is right for you and your family – no one else can make that call for you.

Related posts:

1. How Much is a Mom Worth?
2. Challenges of Being a Working Mom
3. The Wars of the Work-at-Home Mom

When my first child was just several months old I did what so many working women do – I stopped breastfeeding because I just didn’t feel capable of doing both. Even though I worked for a very large company, there were no policies for breastfeeding moms, no places in which to discreetly pump during the day, and no extended breaks allowed in order to feed my daughter if she was brought to the office. There were no mothers in my circle of friends and co-workers who breastfed after returning to work, if at all. I felt as if I had failed in that one job that as a mother I was supposed to be able to do.

Breastfeeding, although recommended by the World Health Organization, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and other leading organization as the most complete and best way to feed infants, is still not accepted in so many modern cultures. When it is accepted, it is not always supported and encouraged.

Just as recently as December of 2011, a breastfeeding sit-in was declared in Target stores across America in response to one mother’s reports of ill-treatment after she chose to breastfeed her baby in the store. Employees apparently asked her to move from her spot in the women’s clothing section of the store where she was breastfeeding her baby, completely covered with a blanket, to an even more remote location – a dressing room.

Those who do find offense to breastfeeding appear to be most specifically adverse to it when it is done where they know it is happening. It doesn’t even have to be something that is seen – it can be as innocent as a mother swaddling her baby under a blanket where not even a single tiny toe is visible. The naysayers appear to be afraid that even a glimpse of breast flesh might be seen. Ironic, in a country where you can’t go to the mall without seeing teenagers dressed in less clothing than I wear to the beach, and where movies and television commercials are flooded with more skin than I ever revealed breastfeeding.

The Stigmas of Breastfeeding

In third world countries breastfeeding is a necessity and a completely accepted and encouraged aspect of raising children. However, in industrial nations such as the United States of America, breastfeeding is still looked at as something that is done in large part by 4 groups of moms:

• Throwback hippies (I saw this with all of the love for a generation from which I come)
• Natural pathogen moms who wouldn’t ever consider manufactured foods of any kinds
• Working moms who have more demanding things to do with their time
• Those who are too poor to purchase formula and the necessary supplies

Moms who might consider breastfeeding are often put off by several stereotypes, stigmas, and unfortunate concerns.

• Formula, like wine, is not cheap, especially the good stuff. There is an undercurrent in American society that breastfeeding is something that those who can’t afford formula choose to do.
• Breastfeeding is icky (according to some). There is a stigma that it is gross and perverted to have an infant so dependent on what society has declared to be a purely sexual body part. Our “modernized” society has melded breastfeeding and sexual imagery – two totally separate issues – and has somehow declared breastfeeding in public to be inappropriate. Yet parents can yell at their children during tee-ball games, belittle their children for not doing well enough in school, and ignore their children as they spend more time texting than talking. Somehow our definition of inappropriate has gone askew.
• Breastfeeding reduces your social life. Nothing says “new mom” like when you are out with friends to dinner and a baby nearby begins to cry and you spring a leak in a natural response.
• Breastfeeding your baby means you won’t be able to return to work at full capacity and pursue career goals with vigor.

Yes – there are unfortunately some truths to these stigmas, but only because society hasn’t caught up to reality. They shouldn’t be stigmas and issues that stop moms from providing this wonderful and natural source of nutrition for their babies.

• Breastfeeding does mean restructuring your social life – but so does becoming a parent in general. Good friends at dinner won’t think less of you if you need to pump-n-dump – those who do probably aren’t worth dinner plans anyway.
• Even though the laws are changing, they are still not current with world health opinions and endeavors. Working outside of the home will be more challenging as a breastfeeding mom. You will need to plan ahead and let your employer know how often you will need to pump and work with your employer to find a suitable place to do this and store the milk. It won’t always be easy, but it will be worth your time and your infant’s health and relationship with you. Don’t let it be something you regret like I do.

When my 2^nd child was just days old I became very ill with a high fever and signs of a bacterial infection, and was told I needed to be hospitalized for a round of IV antibiotics. I immediately saw my hopes and plans of breastfeeding for at least the first year of his life begin to fail as I hadn’t even been able to breastfeed long enough to establish a pattern with my newborn – until my stubborn Irish side kicked in and I refused to be admitted to the hospital without my son allowed in my room so I could breastfeed. The hospital staff relented and I was admitted for 3 days of treatment with him at my side.

That baby, and his brothers who followed, were all breastfed for at least the first year of their lives, despite the roadblocks and stigmas that modern society tends to place on the choice. Don’t let the breastfeeding backlash stop you from providing your child with the best nutritional and developmental start possible – even if you aren’t Irish.

Related posts:

1. Using Kangaroo Mother Care to Support Breastfeeding
2. Breastfeeding in Public – How to Make It Work
3. Breastfeeding: Challenging and Really Doable

We use our senses every day to experience the world, and children especially are influenced by tasting, touching, smelling, hearing, and seeing the environments around them. Sometimes, because of illness, disability, or life circumstances, our kids’ senses are unbalanced, overstimulated, or under-stimulated. The results can be kids who struggle with daily behaviors, or on the extreme end, are diagnosed with Dysfunction in Sensory Integration (DSI), which is also called Sensory Integration Dysfunction.

None of my children have been diagnosed with DSI – Dysfunction in Sensory Integration – but I am finding so many wonderful benefits of the tools one particular author offers to parents on the subject. Carol Stock Kranowitz, M.A., has written The Out-of-Sync Child and The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun.

The Stress of Unbalanced Senses

For years I have recognized that in particular one of my children has stronger sensory needs than my other children. When he struggled with severe ear pain, infections, surgery, and temporary hearing reduction as a toddler, his other senses overcompensated for these issues and the results have been a child who prefers tactile sensations, lower sounds, and more particular food textures. At a period of time in his life when his development should have included all of his senses, it was limited in some, creating an imbalance that he is slowly rebuilding into a level playing field.

These needs might be seen by some as enough reason to diagnose with DSI. I take them as just more characteristics of my child that can be addressed through opportunities and play. Kranowitz’s work has given me great tools with which to meet the needs of my kids. More importantly, these activities are valuable for all children. Integrating sensory development opportunities helps kids to bridge their awareness of the world. The second book, The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun includes numerous activities to address the senses. These go beyond the 5 senses we think of typically:

• Sight
• Smell
• Hearing
• Touch
• Taste

The Real Sensory System

Kranowitz describes the more integral and basic fundamentals of the sensory system:

Tactile Sense – Information is provided to the brain mainly through the skin. It includes actively touching things and passively touching things, like the differences between petting a dog and feeling the breeze blow across your arm. These differences also help us distinguish between threatening and non-threatening touches.

Vestibular Sense – Sensation is provided through the inner ear. This affects balance, movement, and awareness of our body positions in relation to our environment. This is the one that my child experienced the most challenges with, rendering his other senses more heightened.

Proprioceptive Sense – This sense provides us with the awareness of our body parts and how they are moving, specifically the joints, muscles, and ligaments.

These three foundations of the sensory system are sometimes known as the hidden senses, and develop in utero before the other 5 commonly known senses, but they all work closely together to provide a person with information about and interpretations of the world.

All Kids Benefit from Sensory Rich Activities

Kranowitz is quick to remind parents that kids haven’t changed in all of the ways that count and in all of the important aspects for parents. They still thrive on hands-on activities that require hard work and tangible experiences. In a world filled with so many passive activities for kids (computers, video games, etc.), sensory stimulation can be lost.

The Seven Drops

The author also has a great technique for parents to use with their kids, especially when sensory overload or under-load is causing stress. While this is targeted for children with DSI, it is really applicable for all for parents to consider using with their children. It is called the “Seven Drops” and doesn’t require medication, classes, or enormous amounts of time.

1. Drop your voice. Whispers will sometime get way more attention from your kids than yelling.
2. Drop your body. Children are less intimated and stressed when their caregivers are at their body levels.
3. Drop your TV remote. Get engaged with your child, whether it is by putting down the remote, the newspaper, or the cell phone.
4. Drop your guard. Let your child take risks, as it is the only way they will truly experience success.
5. Drop your defenses. If your child is having a meltdown, don’t ignore the reactions of your in-laws or other parents, or get defensive. Acknowledge the situation and it is easier to move forward with it.
6. Drop your batteries. Toys and video games that are passive don’t require the energy of the kids. When kids plays with toys that require kid power, the kids get so much more out of them.
7. Drop your misconception that fun is frivolous. Enough said!

Sensory needs are extremely vital to the healthy development of children, and I have experienced first-hand how imbalances in the senses can create stress for children. Through exercises like the ones provided by Kranowitz we are moving from a place where my toddler insisted on wearing shirts with silky tags so he had something soft with which to reassure himself at all times, to just preferring to snuggle with special blankets at bedtime.

If your child is showing any signs of special sensory needs (even things like agitation, fidgety movements, clumsiness, frustration with change, and heightened sensitivity), reading Kranowitz’s works can provide you with some clues to these behaviors and tools for integrating all of the senses in balanced ways. Even if your child does not have any of these issues, the activities provided are wonderful ways for children to experience play and learning to the fullest extent possible.

Related posts:

1. Do You Like Your Child?
2. Does Your Child Hate Math?
3. Is your child overscheduled? Signs your child is too busy to be a kid.

Bedding
Gone are the days of frilly bumper pads and thick matching quilts. The new baby bedding trends are about safety. Bumper pads are no longer recommended as they can pose strangulation and entrapment dangers for babies, and the American Academy of Pediatrics warns parents not to place blankets or stuffed animals in the cribs as well. All of the new moms who dreamed of beautiful crib ensembles don’t have to settle for just plan sheets, however. On the list of fun to try pieces are new fitted sheets like these that have added designs on the sides to mimic a lower look of a bumper pad, but it can also alert you to whether or not the sheet is fitted properly.

Bottles
Gone are the old days of glass bottles that wouldn’t survive a day at baby gym glass. If you are considering bottle-feeding, even part of the time, you also may have heard about the risks of using plastic bottles. There are many studies that question the safety of BPA (Bisphenol A), a compound found in many plastics, including baby bottles. There are current debates about the health and safety of infants exposed to this chemical through bottles.

The new look for babies and parents are stainless steel baby bottles. The push for these is across several levels, including the “green” choice of the product that can be recycled, the durability of the material, and the freedom from BPA found in plastics. Stainless steel bottles and sippy cups can also be easier to clean and safer in the long-run because their scratch-resistant surfaces don’t allow for areas in which bacteria can grow.

Induced Lactation
Adoptions and surrogate parents bring joy to parents and help create new families, but often did not offer the possibilities of non-birth parents breastfeeding. Now some pediatricians offer cocktails of hormones and supplements that are designed to mimic the hormones of pregnancy. Also known as adoptive breast-feeding, the general idea is derived from the wet nurses of centuries gone by. Not all parents are opting for the prescription pad when it comes to this feeding option, as some lactation consultants recommend herbal teas and round the clock breast pumping to stimulate breast-milk production. This, however, is usually not as successful in producing the quantity of milk necessary to sustain feeding a healthy newborn, but it does provide parents with the ability to form this close bond as well as pass along helpful antibodies.

High Tech Baby Monitors
There is an app for everything! My first baby monitor could double as low-budget eavesdropping technology as it picked up conversations of other moms and kids in the neighborhood. Now parents can plug in their iPads and phones and use them as baby monitors at a moment’s notice. Not all apps have video, but as long as you can hear your little one snoozing or screaming, it probably doesn’t matter in the long run. This means one less thing to pack for the trip to Grandma’s, too.

The Extras

• Apps for keeping tabs on the ins and outs – the milk and the poo – so you will never have to ask yourself again, “When was the last time he…?”
• Ear scopes that parents can safely use to check for the source of that screaming pain, such as this one, can provide back-up in the middle of the night when you just aren’t sure. After watching one son suffer through tremendous ear problems, I know that gadgets like these can help get to the source quickly (but always check with your doctor with questions!).
• Attachments for your strollers just for your phone so your beverage holder doesn’t get lonely!

At the end of the day, so many of the gadgets and gizmos we surround our babies with don’t give what they really need most – our time and attention. There is no app for the nurturing bonds we can provide as we snuggle with our babes, listen to their heartbeats in person, and pay attention to the subtle signals they give us for their needs. If they ever make apps to replace those moments, I don’t want one anyway!

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1. Preparing Your Children for a New Baby in the House
2. Why Your Baby Should Have a Pet
3. How to Choose a Baby Name (That Your Mother-In-Law Won’t Hate)

It turns out that those times you might struggle with getting the kids to help wash dishes or just put their toys away can mean the difference between adult children who have self-confidence and those who are struggling with self-image. Not only is it essential to give children chores and responsibilities, but the younger we start, the better off their futures can be.

Marty Rossmann, an associate professor of family education, has explored the numerous ways that children are impacted by having responsibilities around the home, and has specifically studied how the ages at which chores are given changes the future dynamics. During a detailed study, Rossmann conducted formal explorations of 84 children from ages 3 – adulthood, following the same group as they aged, in relation to the household and family chores they were given at various ages. At three separate times in their lives Rossmann studied several influencing factors:

• Parents’ styles of interacting with the children in the study
• Genders of children and participating parents
• Types of chores and responsibilities given
• Time required of and/or spent on chores
• Attitudes about and motivations for chore completions
• Participation in families of each subject by doing chores at three specified times in their lives:

1. Ages 3-4
2. Ages 9-10
3. Ages 15-16

• Follow-up research with each adult child when they were in their 20s

All of these factors were analyzed and compared to other research data in the field. The results were clear – the best predictor for success as an adult in mid-twenties when it comes to household responsibilities among other things was the participation in household chores when that person was just 3 or 4 years old. The results also showed that when children were not given responsibilities until their teenage years that they were less likely to be successful in their twenties. The definition of success in this research included the completion of educational goals, their IQs, beginnings of careers, positive relationships with family and friends, and the non-use of drugs.

How do I Give My Young Child Chores?

Chores and responsibilities included things like putting toys away, helping with dishes, laundry, taking out the trash, and other routine household necessities. As with so many things with parenting it is imperitive that the responsibility is age and ability appropriate. Just don’t let yourself make excuses for why your child can’t do a particular chore. Give gentle directions and guidance, but don’t do it for them (even if it isn’t done just the way you would do it yourself). The only way your kids will learn how to do these chores and do them well is to try for themselves. Just the other day my 8 year-old son volunteered to sweep and mop the floors. While his muscles are barely strong enough to compress the mop, he worked like a trooper and did the floors. He was so proud of himself and I really did appreciate the help.

• Give them clear instructions for the tasks, including which tools they might need to help.
• Avoid tasks that are large in time commitment or scope – “Clean your room” might be too overwhelming in task, but “Put your games on the shelf and your toys in your toy box” helps to clarify expectations.
• Don’t worry about how you would have done it – appreciate their small steps as they learn how to do it for themselves.
• Make sure the tasks are age and ability appropriate. Younger children need to be monitored with cleaning supplies, but a 3 year old can do a great job lint rolling the sofa.
• Tap into their learning and activity styles. Kids who need to move but aren’t the most grateful might be better off vacuuming or carrying stacks of laundry than dusting the small knick-knacks.

Rossmann and other researchers agree that when young children are given responsibilities early in life that they are more likely to have senses of responsibility, be competent, self-reliant, and have higher levels of self-worth later in life. Author of Indulge Them Less, Enjoy Them More: Finding a Balance Between Giving More and Saying No to Your Children, Jean Illsely Clarke, agrees with Rossmann and says that when parents overindulge their children by not giving them chores, they do a disservice that often results in a lack of skills and low self-esteem for adult children.

When our kids are younger they are more likely to try to tackle household chores with their unique and untainted vision of the world – everything is an adventure for younger children. Take advantage of that spirit and energy and give them the opportunities to help around the house. When we start young with small chores and responsibilities we can build upon those and give them strong foundations for their futures. Who knew a mop and broom could do so much?

Related posts:

1. Give Your Kids Attitude
2. Allowance for Kids – When to Start and How Much to Give
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It is enough to make the skin crawl (maybe with chicken pox) – the thought that irresponsible parenting will put other people’s children and loved ones, including my own, at severe risks. I’m talking about the latest fad of pox parties and pox pops – where parents who are concerned about the safety or effectiveness of vaccines purposefully gather their children together and have them share snacks, orange juice, and spit, in the hopes that they will contract the virus naturally. The following is not a debate about the benefits and/or side effects of immunizations for our kids. This is a reality check for parents who willingly put the health of those in their communities at risk by irresponsible choices.

The chicken pox, or varicella, has been around for most of us as an annoying illness we suffered through as children. As yet another vaccine rolled out the doors for our children, so did an increasing attitude from some parents that enough is enough. Some parents feel that natural exposure to viruses is a healthier way for their children’s bodies to react and adjust to these diseases.

I admit that when the chicken pox vaccine first came out I did not rush my daughter to the front of the line. After all, I had chicken pox as a child and everything was just fine. However, when my third child was born it was clear that his asthmatic tendencies warranted a new conversation about vaccines in our family. He suffered most often from viral induced asthma attacks – a minor sniffle for any other child for him meant pneumonia and perhaps a visit to the ER. For our children chicken pox exposure was not worth the risk and all of our children received the immunization.

For those who can’t receive the chicken pox vaccine for health reasons, exposure to chicken pox can prove painful, dangerous, and even deadly. When these people come into contact with children who were intentionally exposed and then not quarantined, it is an irresponsible way to parent and live in a community. Obviously those children who are unknowingly exposed might have the same interactions and unfortunately cause the same repercussions. However, as parents of our children we still owe it to the families of others to be diligent and responsible about community health issues.

This new trend for pox parties is disturbing on two levels:

1. Parents are actually ordering lollipops supposedly licked by infected people with which to feed their children. Not only is it illegal to send viruses through the mail, it is more likely that a child would contract another disease, such as hepatitis or a staph infection, than the chicken pox vaccine. These resilient diseases would cause far greater havoc on the body of a child than chicken pox or the chicken pox vaccine. How can parents cringe at the thought of a child licking a shopping cart, yet pay money for a used lollipop and feed it to their kids as a snack? 

2. Parents who attend pox parties with their children where they visit neighbors or friends who are ill in the hopes of spreading it are often missing another important factor. After exposure to the virus their children can spread it to other people with compromised immune systems, pregnant women (which can prove fatal for infants), newborns, and the elderly.

Since parents have no way of knowing if their child is carrying the virus until the telltale signs appear, and they remain contagious until all of the spots have crusted over, they are placing risks on those around them. Parents who choose to purposefully expose their children to the virus must keep their children isolated (yes – quarantined in the home veg’ing out with movies and toys) until they know the results. We tell people all of the time who have the flu or have been exposed to the flu to stay home from work and kids are sent home from school in part in order to keep others safe.

Again, this isn’t intended as a debate over whether parents should vaccinate their children. This is a dialogue about the definition of responsible parenting that extends to the families of those around you. One mother who intentionally exposed her children to the virus at pox party admits she doesn’t recall quarantining her children afterwards. This is reckless and, well, not very neighborly. I’m all for neighbors getting to do what they want, parents making decisions for their own kids, but it is scary when they do it at the expense to those around them.

We teach our children not to drink and drive, not to beat up kids on the playground, and not to willingly inflict harm on those around them. Attending a pox party or serving a pox pop and then sending your child out to play among kids with possibly compromised immune systems or the pregnant woman who teaches art classes for kids is irresponsible and selfish. Let’s step it up as parents and truly be the examples of teaching our children how to treat others as we want to be treated, as well as the importance of raising healthy kids. Have your pox parties, but make it a week’s vacation to be on the safe side for all of us.

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Have you ever watched your child and had that moment of realization that they are copying your every move or voice inflection? Our children are so often small reflections of ourselves. They mirror us in so many ways, good and bad, but we sometimes forget the power and influence that modeling behaviors have on children. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard from the kids “But Dad did it!” only to hear my dear husband say, “I was just showing you what not to do” with a grin.

Not only are our kids tuned into our every move, but they absorb the actions and words of those around them, especially people who they perceive to be in charge or important. Not only do kids learn from our unintended behavior modeling, but we can use the knowledge of that in behavior modification to help change their bad behaviors into better ones (even if we were the ones who modeled that bad behavior in the first place!). This form of behavior modification is also an effective way for us to help our children face their fears and get over them without letting them negatively affect their lives.

What is Modeling?

I’m not talking about anything that has to do with the catwalk or designer labels. Behavior modeling as a form of behavior modification is using the influence of a model to develop a behavior. We do this from the get-go with our babies, encouraging them to talk, play peek-a-boo with us, and clap along with us to the baby boogie. Just as we use modeling for fun and engaging activities, we can use modeling to help encourage positive behaviors in our children. You might also hear of modeling as observation learning, imitation, vicarious learning, and social learning.

By observing the patterns of behaviors of others, a child can learn about appropriate models of behaviors. A child might observe someone display compassion and empathy for another in pain, and in turn display those same positive emotional responses in their own situations. Some children with strong fears can reduce or eliminate their fears by repeatedly observing someone else have positive interactions with the feared object or event. Children in school are consistently learning through modeling – if they see someone reprimanded for running in the halls, they don’t have to actually run in the halls to know what the consequence might be. If a friend is teased for wearing a purple fedora, your child learns that purple fedoras aren’t in this year unless you want to be teased as well.

Children model their behaviors after parents, teachers, friends, and even those who they don’t personally know such as celebrities or even a character in a book. Modeling tends to be more powerful when the model is significant to the one observing. Siblings are also powerful models because young children often spend so much time with their siblings that they truly do learn from one another.

How Can I Use Modeling in Behavior Modification With My Child?

Just as with so many other parenting techniques, modeling is most effective when used in conjunction with other approaches, such as positive reinforcement. Studies have shown that children are inclined to model the behavior of adults and people in authority. If you want to find a way to get your child to be more responsible with basic chores, modeling proactive behavior yourself is the first step. If your bedroom is always in disarray it will be difficult to convince your child to keep her own clean. For behaviors that are more challenging, such as a child’s fear of swimming, providing reassuring examples of kids having fun in the water is important. Don’t place any pressures on the situation, just allow your child to observe the safety and enjoyment of a positive situation. Let him play near the shore or edge of the pool, watch siblings or friends having fun, or you simply standing in the water. This is not the time to constantly ask him to join you – you and others are only modeling that swimming is fun for those in the pool – without any pressures to join at that point.

Combine the modeling with other behavior modification approaches, such as positive reinforcement, to most effectively utilize this method. At some point when your child decides to change his behavior or reaction, reinforce it with positive responses. Guide your child’s participation in a reaffirming way without pressures, but also be careful that you create a balance. If you try to hand your son the moon and stars for a small progressive accomplishment, by the time he actually reaches the goal you’ll be out of rewards. Sometimes, too, children react to rewards by stopping progress. Let your child feel the reward in his own behavior – a boost to his self-confidence.

Behavior modification through modeling is a lifelong process we go through as parents. Sometimes we forget the value of our actions and those with whom we surround our children. Modeling is truly a parenting lesson in the company we keep, and that includes the company we give of as ourselves to our children.

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12 Tips for Healthier Kids 

1. Invest in small, portable instant hand sanitizer bottles. They have cute rubber bottle holders that can clip to backpacks, key rings, or coat zippers. My kids are more apt to use these if they have their own and are easily accessible.
2. Teach hand-washing as if it is the most amazing activity in the universe. If your little ones aren’t quite at a point yet where they do an adequate job, use the singing trick or tell 3 knock-knock jokes. Have your kids sing the happy birthday song to themselves, the ABC song, or anything that keeps their hands moving for at least 20 seconds. I liked to distract mine with silly jokes – they would be so intent on thinking of the answer that I didn’t have to be the hand-washing police – they kept moving their hands as they thought of the punch line.
3. Pack the tissues – everywhere! You can buy those mini packs of tissues or just take some snack size zipper seal baggies and keep refilling them. Toss them in backpacks, coat pockets, and the glove box. If your child will be spending time outdoors, add a few more for the inevitable winter runny noise. Teach your child when she is not sick how to blow her nose. When the time comes for her to need to know that skill, she might be feeling crabby and have a sore nose, so every time you “help” her it will only irritate her sick little body.
4. Teach your children to cough and sneeze into the crooks of their elbows if tissues aren’t available. This keeps the germs off of their hands and blocks a fair amount of it from zooming to the kids sitting next to them. If your child must use his hand, teach him to immediately wash his hand or use instant sanitizer before touching anything else.
5. Disinfect frequently transported items every day – backpacks, laptop cases, lunch bags just for a start. I even take disinfectant wipes and go over the covers of library books with a quick swipe as soon as we get them home (or sometimes even as soon as we hit the minivan).
6. Use the disinfectant wipes the grocery store supplies or use your own (or a coat sleeve in a pinch). Disinfect and wash the hard surface toys in your house, especially after your kids have friends over to play.
7. Keep your kids exercising. Winter can be a challenging time for people to get outside or out and about to stay fit and healthy. Help your kids find winter sports they enjoy such as skating, sledding, skiing, or snowshoeing. If your climate doesn’t have these cold-required activities, find a local gym or community center where your kids can get regular exercise.
8. Consider adding a vitamin to their regimen if your kids don’t already take one (but talk to their doctor first). Extra boosts to their immune system can help prepare their bodies for the inevitable.
9. Wash their bedding more frequently, including pillows, and invest in a good pillow cover.
10. If your kids are extra sensitive to things like dust mites, keep stuffed animals in the freezer and let your child take one out at a time. These stuffed creatures are germ and mite magnets, but the freezer helps knock those buggers away. One of my sons loved to tuck his creatures into the freezer and then trade out every few days.
11. If your child is ill, please keep her home during the peak of her illness. It isn’t fun to miss the activities of the holidays, but keeping your child at home really is the fair thing to do. One Christmas stayed home with a son who had influenza – it was my gift to others that I didn’t bring him to the family Christmas meal! Good thing, too, as he eventually ended up in the ER with a full blown case of influenza (but no one else did in the family, thankfully).
12. Stay far, far away from those cute little play centers at your local mall if you don’t have a way to clean the surfaces and your kids. Let’s face it – kids are some of the most germ-laden people around. If your kid wants to head down the slide in the food-court while licking the last of the chicken off of his fingers or ride on the plastic pony while she alternately hangs onto the mane and sucks one finger, chances are 8 million other kids did the same thing. Do you really want them bringing all of that home just in time for the holidays?

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Kids really do seem to grow like weeds some days, and as a mom to 4 kids I can spend more money on shoes for them than my electric bill. Between those boys of mine who feel the need to slide in the grass, no matter what they’re wearing, and my daughter who likes to have fun with and experiment with different outfits, my time and purse can be stretched when it comes to finding clothes for them at prices that aren’t scary. Over the years I have found several ways to have fun with creating their wardrobes with them without giving up their college funds.

Inventory

If you don’t know what is in the closet, you won’t know what to shop for their wardrobes. Each season I make an assessment of the clothes in the closet, and make sure they still fit the kids. If it just barely fits in October and you need it to last until April, be prepared to look for a replacement sometime soon. Keep a list of what each child needs so that when it goes on sale, you find it at a consignment shop, or your Aunt Annie wants a gift idea you know just what is needed.

Also keep a list of sizes for each child, especially important if you have several kids. Two of my sons are so close in size and age that I take a mini-magic marker and mark on the tags of their jeans their first initial. It makes laundry time so much easier and when I inventory things I know exactly who has what.

Never Pay Full Price

No matter how much money I have had, or not had, throughout my life, I have never just chosen to pay full price for something. Children’s clothing is one area where you can almost always find it on sale somewhere, which is why inventorying their clothes is so important. I always find brand names, high end fashions, and even socks go on sale at certain points every season. The key is to have patience and learn when your favorite stores post their best deals.

You can also save on money for your kids’ clothes when you shop ahead in sizes at the ends of seasons. This fall I found some great t-shirts and shorts for my boys at amazingly low prices, but we live in a cold climate and I knew they didn’t need them right now (or for several months). I bumped up a size for each and stocked up, setting them aside for the warmer spring months.

Shop Online

This is probably my least favorite way to shop for clothes for my kids, only because a couple of my kids are so tactile that unless I can feel the fabric, I’m not sure I want to invest in the clothing for them. Kids’ clothing is also so hard to size sometimes that unless it is a pair of leggings it is almost impossible to accurately choose a size for a brand or style we haven’t had yet.

However, online shopping has its advantages, especially if you look for coupon codes or use sites like PriceGrabber. Sometimes if I find a pair of great jeans for my child at the store, I can go online and find the same brand and size at a lower price. Online buying and selling for kids’ clothes is a popular way to recycle through wardrobes. Everything from Ebay to app alerts can let that parents can find great clothes for their kids and save a few bucks in the process.

Consider Secondhand

I feel very fortunate to live in a community where second hand shops are considered trendy and environmentally friendly. You can drive 5 miles and find 5 secondhand stores, all with different strengths. Not every second hand store has quality merchandise, but there are a few things to look for if you are shopping at a thrift store.

• Always check the zippers, buttons, and other fasteners (even the top button you’ll never use).
• Hold up the garment in different lighting to check for marks or stains.
• Ask about a return policy.
• To save time shop in thrift stores that organize clothing by size, style, and even color.
• Know your brand names and comparable prices when purchased new.

My children, especially my daughter, actually prefer to shop second hand sometimes over the mall. The reason? She knows she has a budget either way, but she loves to mix and match outfits and have a few fun things in her wardrobe. She gets more bang for her buck shopping secondhand. Then she also knows that she can use “leftover” funds for a few special things at her favorite stores in the mall.

There are two other great lessons for my kids when we shop second hand: they learn the importance of reusing and recycling, and they learn the value of supporting second hand stores which are often community based organizations.

Swap

I find swaps with other parents as one of the easiest and least expensive options. I have always offered my children’s clothes to my niece and nephews, and eventually this moved beyond family to involve a mini network of families. I think it started when I had more clothes from my daughter than my niece needed or wanted, so I offered the extras to a family I knew for their daughter. I unknowingly opened the door for others to offer me clothes from their kids, in a disorganized shuffle of kids’ clothes. This can be a thrifty way to get some great clothes for your kids, but you have to be very flexible and not the least offended if the other families don’t just love the purple sweater that used to be your daughter’s favorite.

• Only give to others what you would still put in your own child’s closet if it were the right size.
• Don’t give away dirty, torn, stained, or otherwise disheveled clothing.
• Let the family know that it is OK if they don’t want to keep everything. They can pass it on to someone else or donate it to a thrift store (that’s where all of mine would end up if I didn’t swap).
• Don’t be offended if your favorites aren’t their favorites.
• Don’t offer the clothes and then ask for or expect money in return. Have a garage sale or go to a consignment shop if you want reimbursement.
• Be certain the family you offer clothes to doesn’t see it as a charitable action. There are plenty of families who swap clothes and can afford to shop in any store, but there are also families who have a hard time letting their pride step aside for receiving clothing.
• Be thankful for any received clothes. My kids think it’s almost like Christmas to get a bag from my friend filled with cool shirts her son has outgrown.

Shopping for kids clothes doesn’t have to break your budget. Get creative and consider unique ways to bring a little style into their wardrobes. Your wallet and their college funds will thank you.

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You’ve waited for months to deliver and cherish your new baby. The crib has been assembled, the diapers are stacked, and the booties line the drawer. Everything is ready – except for your bag for the hospital. Just what are you supposed to pack for one of the most physically demanding, emotionally amplified, wonderful moments of your life?

The Basic Must Haves

Keep an envelope or file folder ready to go with some of the boring, but necessary information. You never know when you might start labor so keep this file in an obvious, accessible place to help ease the process. For my first child I didn’t even realize I was in labor and I went to my regular doctor appointment – he sent me right to the hospital and I had to scramble directions together over the phone for family members as to where to find everything at my house. Other basic requirements for your folder include:

• Insurance card and any required precertification papers
• Photo ID (some hospitals and birthing centers also require labor coaches to show ID)
• A complete list of contact information, including your partner’s or labor coaches contact numbers and a list of who to call to share the great news
• A separate set of instructions for anyone who you are having check on the house, the pets, or care for your other children while you are at the hospital
• Birth plan

For Mom’s Bag

You’ve planned for months how you hope this moment will transpire and have maybe created a birth plan to help facilitate the experience. Your bag should include everything you need for delivery and the day or two before you take your new baby home.

• Eyeglasses and contact supplies
• Toothbrush and paste
• Soap and shampoo – use mild, unscented soap, especially if you plan to nurse so you don’t irritate your baby’s senses
• Deodorant
• Hair brush, barrettes, and ponytail holders
• Sanitary pads – while the hospital can provide these, they are usually not the brand or fit that you would choose on your own (just remember that your flow will most likely be heavier than a normal period)
• Nursing pads – even if you don’t plan to breastfeed you will go through a period of engorgement and need the coverage for leaking
• Slippers and socks
• Underwear – extra pairs you can throw away if they become too stained from blood
• Nursing bras
• Pajamas – if you are planning to breastfeed consider ones that button in the front
• Bathrobe
• Comfortable clothes for the hospital – By day 2 at the hospital I always preferred by own comfortable clothes than pajamas
• Comfy outfit for taking baby home – consider layers as your body will be adjusting to fluctuating hormone levels and you may go through hot and cold flashes
• Pillow – use a colorful case so it doesn’t get confused with hospital issue cases
• Music or other comfort measures
• Picture or item for focusing on during labor

For Partner’s Bag

Your partner or labor coach will need their own little supply bag for the delivery. My husband always left those details up to me, but he was glad for the extra supplies when the days got longer than anticipated.

• Swimsuit – you may want a water labor or even just to shower while in labor
• Change of clothes – you never know how long labor will last or what your partner might be doing when you go into labor (I had a friend whose construction-working husband showed up at the hospital with his orange vest and coveralls on!)
• Money for vending machines and other minimal purchases
• Cameras and battery charges, and explicit instructions on when and where you want those cameras aimed!
• Snacks like gum, mints, oranges, and protein bars
• A copy of your birth plan
• A copy of contact information

The Extras

After our first child there were a few extras I always packed in my bag.

• Gifts for older siblings to receive when they come to meet the newest member of the family – I made t-shirts for them pronouncing their new roles as Big Sister and Big Brother and a special gift
• Pictures of older siblings that I taped to the inside of the hospital bassinet (so when older siblings come they feel they have a special place)
• A gift for the new baby that the older siblings chose – My 8-year-old still has his small teddy bear that was waiting in the bassinet for his birth
• A baby book – you might feel exhausted from labor or you might sit up all night staring at your precious child. I always took a few moments to record those emotions and details that I always wanted my children to know about their true first birthday.
• Thank you cards – there will be a good chance that you might get flowers in your room or have visitors stop by to congratulate your family. Get those thank you notes done right away, and while your baby is still blissfully sleeping away.

Your labor and delivery probably won’t go exactly as hoped or planned, so probably the single most important thing you bring with you to the hospital is acceptance. Accept that your body will do amazing and sometimes crazy things. Accept that you will wish things could go a little faster, easier, or with less pain, but that in the end you will have your beautiful baby in your arms.

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